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  #831  
Old 02-13-2018, 09:45 PM
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munchlet munchlet is offline
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"Do not compute the totality of your poultry population until all the manifestations of incubation have been entirely completed." — William Jennings Bryan

agatha on 2010-12-23 14:07:22
Funny

rikabeau on 2011-08-01 14:37:33
Uh... Don't count your chickens until they hatch?

bansaisequoia on 2011-10-06 02:05:34
This maxim is as antediluvian as the natural topographical inclines.

cradle0fmexicans on 2013-01-26 15:32:48
i love sesquipedalians!

wvwoman on 2013-04-05 06:31:17
old, yes, but still good advice!

maradnu on 2013-08-21 23:30:50
Eschew obfuscation.

puzzleme on 2015-08-08 17:53:28
Gesundheit!

Highpoint on 2015-09-02 15:41:33
Isn't "eschew" a dirty word?

montyb on 2015-12-21 11:49:40
Only if you do it with your lips open.

kb83 on 2017-01-23 12:11:53
Refrain from extensive investigation into the dental health of equine property that has been transferred gratuitously to you.

kb83 on 2017-03-14 04:14:35
Refrain from lacrimal demonstrations when confronted with unforeseen dairy overflows.

fishbum on 2017-03-21 07:54:21
Watch out for Athenians with freebies.

kb83 on 2018-01-02 03:39:10
Corrective sewing when done in an expeditious manner, prevents the need for extensive repairs later on.

spacecoyote1966 on 2018-01-09 08:57:50
For what reason did the poultry transverse the thoroughfare?

maradnu on 2018-01-26 13:23:04
I look forward to a day when poultry can cross the road without having its motives questioned.
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  #832  
Old 02-16-2018, 05:06 PM
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LLapp LLapp is online now
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"No man is wise enough, nor good enough, to be trusted with unlimited power." — Charles Caleb Colton

killdozer on 2015-12-31 05:32:22
I could handle it. I'd straighten this universe out in an hour. My wife would tell me just what to do.

lainecap on 2016-04-06 15:11:30
That is what our founding fathers thought when they established the constitution.

montyb on 2016-12-07 21:59:22
How could the founding fathers know killdozer's wife?
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  #833  
Old 02-16-2018, 08:59 PM
oddcouple oddcouple is online now
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"Forgiveness is the answer to the child's dream of a miracle by which what is broken is made whole again, what is soiled is made clean again."
— Dag Hammarskjold

bonsaisequoia on 2009-07-26 20:34:26
The author of this quote is Dag Hammarskjöld.

bansaisequoia on 2009-09-07 18:13:08
Once again, without the diacritic. The author of this quote is Dag Hammarskjold.

jnoodles on 2013-08-10 16:59:47
Dag nab it!!!!

Allen on 2013-12-19 03:20:17
Don’t be so diacritical!

LLapp on 2015-09-24 18:05:34
I love this quote.
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  #834  
Old 02-18-2018, 03:13 PM
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opallady opallady is online now
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"In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you."
— Jack Handey

Lurker on 2009-10-08 00:13:47
Someone beat my time, please! I don't want my name on this one

bansaisequoia on 2009-10-12 23:44:03
Ooooohh, I'm sorry-I just got 18 seconds.

Lurker on 2009-12-20 23:10:35
So what do I do, set a faster time! AAAHH!!

bansaisequoia on 2010-03-01 16:50:02
You put your name on this twice by leaving a comment.

Lurker on 2011-09-18 21:56:09
Good point. Well, if people don't read the comments, they'll just see your name now.

montyb on 2012-01-02 12:40:24
I like reading the comments. But this one doesn't deserve any.

bansaisequoia on 2012-07-08 14:42:21
I don't know. If I were an Olympic judge, I'm not sure I'd count him out. Depends.

montyb on 2012-10-07 19:32:30
That weightlifter would need Depends.

wvwoman on 2012-10-08 03:19:32
what ARE the rules on urination during weightlifting?

puzzleme on 2013-08-17 00:56:45
Depends.

abra on 2013-10-28 11:50:29
Very funny, puzzlemel.

kb83 on 2014-11-25 07:50:07
If done during the "clean and jerk," there are no rules.

Lurker on 2015-02-03 12:52:24
You wouldn't be clean anymore.

LLapp on 2016-01-18 21:47:21
Jerk? Please, urination during weightlifting was bad enough!

wvwoman on 2016-01-29 07:19:39
i was already grinning, reading the comments, but full-on laughed when i got to llapp's!

skeeter on 2017-09-30 13:33:15
Well, there is American weightlifting, and then there is You're-a-Peein' weightlifting.

abra on 2017-12-08 14:26:02
Ha-ha, skeeter.

Persephone59 on 2018-01-13 07:51:42
You have to admit, Handey's face goes perfectly with the stupid things he says.
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  #835  
Old 02-20-2018, 09:47 PM
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LLapp LLapp is online now
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"Dreams are today's answers to tomorrow's questions." — Edgar Cayce

Spellbinder44 on 2015-05-08 21:39:52
Whereas Science Fiction is tomorow's answers to today's questions!

darkyr on 2016-05-27 08:45:49
Death is the final buzzer. Please put your pencils down and hand your test papers to the front.

susanith on 2016-10-01 01:23:32
I like this quote.

abra on 2016-10-24 18:34:53
I like darkyr's.
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  #836  
Old 02-28-2018, 04:03 AM
oddcouple oddcouple is online now
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"People who reach the top of the tree are only those who haven't got the qualifications to detain them at the bottom."
— Peter Ustinov

jnoodles on 2013-06-01 13:27:38
I must be highly qualified.

kb83 on 2015-03-12 12:02:22
retain, detain.

oddcouple on 2015-04-24 16:18:43
retain, detain

abra on 2015-12-17 12:03:03
retain, detain

Highpoint on 2016-11-28 05:13:56
Detain?

badbob on 2017-02-13 01:58:23
detain what?

abra on 2017-02-22 17:32:36
Again, retain/detain.

obsessedreader8 on 2017-11-13 08:50:02
retain detained me from reaching detain

BrainCellKeeper on 2018-01-04 12:11:49
ditto, obsessedreader8

mistyswiss on 2018-02-16 06:13:31
I wish this quote wasn't retained on this site. It makes no sense to me either way. retain/detain
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  #837  
Old 03-03-2018, 12:27 AM
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LLapp LLapp is online now
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"If you were born lucky, even your rooster will lay eggs." — Assyrian Proverb

afulton on 2012-01-14 21:59:42
Riiiigt.

kjmcaj on 2013-03-23 17:19:11
Is that so!!!! hmmmm

fishbum on 2013-06-27 05:35:19
They just might because some chickens do change sex.

abra on 2013-08-30 00:34:05
I never knew THAT!

dovid1946 on 2015-03-03 09:49:07
those Assyrians were so folksy- what ever happened to them, anyway.

montyb on 2016-12-24 11:44:10
I'm afraid their civilization collapsed during the Great Egg Famine.
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  #838  
Old 03-03-2018, 05:24 AM
oddcouple oddcouple is online now
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"To attract good fortune, spend a new coin on an old friend, share an old pleasure with a new friend, and lift up the heart of a true friend by writing his name on the wings of a dragon."
— Chinese Proverb

bansaisequoia on 2010-01-25 19:32:12
That worked for me the last time I wrote a friend's name on the wings of a dragon.

pootie49 on 2011-05-06 16:44:41
me too cept the darned pencil kept bursting into flames?

universalmom on 2013-03-15 20:57:35
I was right there with this proverb until we got to the dragon part.

gryhnd51 on 2014-01-25 18:02:07
Does anybody know where I can find that dragon? The one Bansai and Pootie knew?

Quizzical on 2014-05-21 14:00:08
I think this one had all of us draggin'.

montyb on 2014-10-22 10:36:48
No dragons in Indiana. Could I substitute a restroom stall?

Annamariah on 2014-11-06 23:29:09
Ask Daenerys, I've heard she's got three of them!

jeanering on 2015-02-27 11:10:42
These comments are dragon ' on...and on..

wordfairy on 2015-03-04 22:24:12
heehee - you guys are the best! xD

wordfairy on 2015-03-17 21:14:35
deja vu!

marnita on 2015-11-06 09:35:14
If I ever meet up with a dragon, I doubt my first impulse will be to write anything on its wings.

abra on 2016-06-29 14:18:30
Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III, has a lot of dragons too. You'll find him in Berk. Which I think is inhabited by English speaking Vikings.

susanith on 2017-08-23 13:04:48
Good advice until you get to the dragon part. Does that mean it is impossible to attract good fortune?
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  #839  
Old 03-04-2018, 10:23 AM
oddcouple oddcouple is online now
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Science when well digested is nothing but good sense and reason."
— Stanislaw I. Leszczynski

judy100 on 2015-01-05 01:19:13
Finally a quote makes SENSE:-)

montyb on 2015-01-15 14:36:55
And REASON!!!

montyb on 2015-12-31 08:48:34
And is easy to digest!

GtrZan on 2016-06-24 01:42:05
Scientifically speaking, of course

darkyr on 2016-12-27 06:02:45
I think I have a touch of indigestion.

LLapp on 2017-11-02 15:24:14
Munch on this test tube and call me in the morning.
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  #840  
Old 03-14-2018, 06:11 PM
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LLapp LLapp is online now
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Default Can't stop laughing at this one...

"As a man handles his troubles during the day, so he goes to bed at night a General, Captain, or Private." — Edgar Watson Howe

dovid1946 on 2015-04-19 10:16:28
but who is he sleeping with? a drill instructor?

universalmom on 2015-07-13 14:54:52
Hahaha dovid, one hopes not!

darkyr on 2017-07-18 09:29:13
You call that snoring? I've heard better snoring from a hamster! And what are those? Pajamas? Your mama isn't here to dress you anymore!
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