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  #791  
Old 12-04-2017, 04:55 PM
darkyr darkyr is offline
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Two men walk into a wedding reception and ask, "Where's the socialist/communist indoctrination center?" The groom replies, "It's right over there, next to the punch line."
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  #792  
Old 12-06-2017, 06:33 AM
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Roxanne Roxanne is online now
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Punch at the punch line, and Molotov cocktails and Moscow mules at the indoctrination center?
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  #793  
Old 12-08-2017, 10:09 PM
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LLapp LLapp is online now
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Default Britney and the Missing Apostrophe

"I still have a lot to learn - about the business, about music, and about myself. Its exciting." Britney Spears

fishbum on 2011-03-07 21:08:59
Please, no more Britney Spears quote.

montyb on 2012-08-17 02:11:09
Second sentence should begin with "It's".

mumu on 2013-05-02 13:58:51
I agree - It is exciting, Britney!!!

LLapp on 2014-12-18 12:29:10
ERROR: Add apostrophe - should be: It's exciting.

larry149 on 2015-04-14 04:20:49
Still needs to be "It's."

gryhnd51 on 2015-05-27 18:58:58
I was so glad to see Britney drug-free and performing again recently.

Morpeth on 2015-07-11 02:14:54
FIX THE APOSTROPHE ERROR!! If it had been there, I would have solved that quicker.

larry149 on 2015-07-20 06:10:55
Still not fixed!

kb83 on 2015-07-22 07:11:11
Britney would be shocked at this error.

SippyGurl on 2015-09-24 05:51:24
i don't think she used an apostrophe when she spoke it.

abra on 2015-10-23 13:53:40
Either she's yesterday's news, or she's doing a better job of keeping her private life private. I hope it's the latter.

larry149 on 2016-03-02 03:59:46
apostrophe still not fixed!

LLapp on 2016-03-16 13:04:24
She has vowed not to perform again until the apostrophe is fixed.

ajbcurate on 2016-10-11 10:51:04
Listening to David Bowie's "Five Years" and it's like he's trying to tell the admins how long the apostrophe has been missing.
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  #794  
Old 12-13-2017, 08:40 AM
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Barnabas Barnabas is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roxanne View Post
Instead of punch lines?
A guy walks into his favorite bar and is surprised to find that a wedding reception is being held there. Somewhat indignant about the whole thing, he walks over to the bartender and points in the general direction of a long string of people and asks, "What's all this, then?"

The bartender answers, "That's the punch line.

Same joke as Darkyr's that I'd heard a little differently. I like his/hers a little better.

Last edited by Barnabas : 12-21-2017 at 12:37 PM.
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  #795  
Old 12-17-2017, 05:05 PM
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guavamango guavamango is offline
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"In weightlifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you." Jack Handey

Lurker on 2009-10-08 00:13:47
Someone beat my time, please! I don't want my name on this one

bansaisequoia on 2009-10-12 23:44:03
Ooooohh, I'm sorry-I just got 18 seconds.

Lurker on 2009-12-20 23:10:35
So what do I do, set a faster time! AAAHH!!

bansaisequoia on 2010-03-01 16:50:02
You put your name on this twice by leaving a comment.

Lurker on 2011-09-18 21:56:09
Good point. Well, if people don't read the comments, they'll just see your name now.

montyb on 2012-01-02 12:40:24
I like reading the comments. But this one doesn't deserve any.

bansaisequoia on 2012-07-08 14:42:21
I don't know. If I were an Olympic judge, I'm not sure I'd count him out. Depends.

montyb on 2012-10-07 19:32:30
That weightlifter would need Depends.

wvwoman on 2012-10-08 03:19:32
what ARE the rules on urination during weightlifting?

puzzleme on 2013-08-17 00:56:45
Depends.

abra on 2013-10-28 11:50:29
Very funny, puzzlemel.

kb83 on 2014-11-25 07:50:07
If done during the "clean and jerk," there are no rules.

Lurker on 2015-02-03 12:52:24
You wouldn't be clean anymore.

LLapp on 2016-01-18 21:47:21
Jerk? Please, urination during weightlifting was bad enough!

wvwoman on 2016-01-29 07:19:39
i was already grinning, reading the comments, but full-on laughed when i got to llapp's!

skeeter on 2017-09-30 13:33:15
Well, there is American weightlifting, and then there is You're-a-Peein' weightlifting.
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  #796  
Old 12-17-2017, 06:30 PM
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marnita marnita is online now
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Default Unfinished poetry

"A poem is never finished, only abandoned. "
Paul Valery
montyb on 2013-07-11 02:21:24
There once was a man from Nantuc...
wvwoman on 2014-03-15 00:01:25
...who carried his brains in a buc...
LLapp on 2014-08-29 11:58:39
The more he decrypt...
Quizzical on 2015-01-11 06:01:56
The less h..
skeeter on 2017-09-01 09:02:49
And then yelled loudly, "Oh f
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  #797  
Old 12-18-2017, 05:22 AM
oddcouple oddcouple is online now
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"It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness. "
Confucius

maradnu on 2009-06-26 01:35:51
But it is more fun to curse.

fredsevent on 2012-04-18 04:53:39
Why not do both?

kb83 on 2014-07-02 09:42:59
Or at least curse the candle if you get burned in the process.

montyb on 2014-07-04 15:22:08
http://futureworldblog.files.wordpre...ness.gif?w=630

Annamariah on 2014-09-14 18:48:26
"It's hard to light a candle, easy to curse the dark instead" Nightwish - Last Ride of the Day

dovid1946 on 2015-01-16 15:24:15
didn't i find this quote in my fortune cookie the other day

mtvoyager on 2015-02-27 12:02:18
38 seconds.

oddcouple on 2015-08-13 16:30:01
Are we sure this was Confucius?

loki on 2015-10-04 09:39:12
Thought this was Emily Dickinson. Time to Google.

Andy451 on 2016-04-19 12:48:43
This might be true Confusion, but were you able to find any honest people? For that you might need to borrow one of Diagonal's diagenetic lanterns.

RustySkipper on 2017-04-08 11:01:50
I can split the darkness with my light saber.
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  #798  
Old 12-19-2017, 07:17 PM
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LLapp LLapp is online now
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Default This took six years

"If we love our country, we should also love our countrymen." Ronald Reagan

bansaisequoia on 2009-08-27 23:54:00
"Though I love my country, I do not love my countrymen."--Lord Byron.

bansaisequoia on 2010-07-29 19:24:21
"Though I love my country, I do not love my countrymen."--Lord Byron

puzzleme on 2013-08-29 20:49:23
Is there an echo in here?

skeeter on 2015-09-09 03:27:12
Is there an echo in here?
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  #799  
Old 12-20-2017, 12:42 PM
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aerie aerie is online now
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"All of the significant battles are waged within the self."
Sheldon Kopp



LLapp on 2016-11-12 08:24:31
And indigestion is your personal Battle Hymn of the Republic.

montyb on 2017-09-12 03:46:04
For me indigestion is the 1812 Overture -- especially the part with the cannons.
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  #800  
Old 12-20-2017, 12:50 PM
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aerie aerie is online now
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"The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people."
Donald N. Smith


bansaisequoia on 2010-08-23 16:05:32
Garnishment? Do the burgers owe back taxes?

montyb on 2013-09-03 15:22:27
Why those lousy deadmeats!

oddcouple on 2013-12-06 15:17:15
Monty, you made me laugh.

CCCookie on 2016-05-06 01:04:28
From wikipedia: Donald Nickerson Smith (born 1940) is an influential restaurant executive for McDonald's, Burger King and other fast food franchise restaurants in the latter half of the 20th century. His business practices helped shape the modern operational procedures and advertising models for the industry So, not a person of erudition, but a person who tried to sound erudite while going directly to the bottom line for fast food restaurants.

Jalapenoman on 2016-06-01 13:52:54
Cheddar or pepper jack cheese (not the awful American cheese), dill pickles, grilled onions, lettuce, jalapeno, bacon, and bbq sauce (no mustard, ketchup, or mayo).

Persephone59 on 2017-01-15 16:51:00
The IRS doesn't use the term garnishment. Would you like a tomato levy on your burger? Hehe.

skeeter on 2017-01-18 04:21:14
Lettuce not make fun of garnishments.
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