"Sweat silently. Let's have no squawking about a little expenditure of energy."
Martin H. Fischer
universalmom on 2013-09-30 14:39:13
HA - so this is where my trainer gets his sadism from!
"Even Albert Einstein reportedly needed help on his 1040 form."
kb83 on 2015-11-04 03:31:20
If you were filling out the form, while on a train going at half the speed of light, would your taxes be less?
montyb on 2015-12-27 22:07:00
No, but you could stretch out the time to complete it and still have it done before April 15th.
"Nothing in all the world is so nonsensical and contradictory, save mortals, that is, who live in the grip of the superstitions of the past."
montyb on 2012-07-31 01:20:17
Baloney! This is the 21st century; the age of reason and rationality. Ooh, full moon tomorrow. AARROOOOOOOO!
"If all men knew what others say of them, there would not be four friends in the world." Blaise Pascal
nothing on 2015-01-08 00:00:38
We reject ourselves and others, because it is hard to accept our human limitations.
killdozer on 2016-01-29 08:34:08
I've got to tell this one to my buddy, Ernie, that drunken slob.
"There is no passion like that of a functionary for his function." Georges Clemenceau
abra on 2015-05-31 08:28:40
Oh, I do love a functionary, when he's busy functioning.
"Anxiety and distress, interrupted occasionally by pleasure, is the normal course of man's existence." Joseph Wood Krutch
montyb on 2013-02-24 19:17:33
He must have been a golfer.
"Almost the whole of history is but a sequence of horrors."
WRQ9 on 2012-07-08 06:32:19
What do you want, a judiciously edited chronicle of birthday parties?
montyb on 2013-04-07 23:41:25
"To know is to know that you know nothing. That is the meaning of true knowledge. "
silveryaspen on 2009-04-04 19:41:05
bansaisequoia on 2009-06-12 22:25:19
PianoManGidley on 2011-02-01 02:35:00
I know what he means, by which I mean that I don't.
BuschMan on 2012-03-30 21:22:15
Never heard of this guy. Is he some obscure blogger?
chopstix on 2012-11-29 04:13:06
BuschMan - haha! btw - I don't know...
maradnu on 2013-09-13 08:51:03
Don't I know it
joma1944 on 2013-10-20 06:18:00
Highpoint on 2014-06-24 20:24:00
I didn't know that.
puzzleme on 2015-02-12 13:41:53
It's all so Confucing!
wvwoman on 2015-05-20 19:06:34
i don't think i've ever seen someone described as a thinker!
abra on 2015-07-23 10:12:11
PianoMan, LOL. I'm not sure if this makes me feel more knowledgeable, or less.
"What is a big shot except a little shot that kept on shooting. "
msswitch on 2014-06-03 09:56:32
msswitch on 2014-08-20 06:05:04
still no ?
abra on 2016-01-07 10:33:36
Really, glad that turned out to be "little shot".
"If a man has ten good qualities and one bad one, look at the ten and forget the one, and if a man has ten bad qualities and one good one, look at the one and forget the ten."
LLapp on 2015-03-27 18:16:20
If he's an arsonist and a great dresser, I'm sorry, but it's the arson that gets my attention.
"Conscience is the internal perception of the rejection of a particular wish operating within us. "
chopstix on 2013-05-03 18:11:42
say that three times fast!
montyb on 2014-09-15 14:49:56
That, that, that.
LLapp on 2014-10-30 12:14:47
Poor Sigmund would never have been successful in this age of sound bites.
"How many people make themselves abstract to appear profound. The most useful part of abstract terms are the shadows they create to hide a vacuum. "
saipanwriter on 2012-05-22 23:58:28
Can there be shadows in a vacuum?
Lurker on 2012-10-16 21:24:39
Sure, if there's light. Just no echoes.
jeanering on 2013-01-11 03:00:14
they are full of hot air...
momn8r on 2013-06-25 03:24:55
And they will make your blood boil...
montyb on 2013-09-10 14:26:49
Shadows hiding a vacuum is pretty darned abstract.
SolarFlare on 2014-02-20 14:43:12
How many people fail to see the play of creativity underlying the expression of abstraction because they feel intimidated by it?
ericthirdrow on 2014-09-24 07:18:19
I picture massive cardboard cutouts of "abstract terms" casting a shadow that's conveniently hiding a Dyson vacuum cleaner.
BrainCellKeeper on 2014-11-11 14:18:23
How many people read this quote and feel confused because they don't understand what it means?
LLapp on 2015-05-20 17:08:38
ericthirdrow - you made me laugh out loud.
abra on 2015-09-30 13:22:23
I think the answer to the first sentence is many. ericthirdrow (who's name makes me smile) has covered the second sentence. He cut right through all that abstract profundity.
"It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness. "
maradnu on 2009-06-26 01:35:51
But it is more fun to curse.
fredsevent on 2012-04-18 04:53:39
Why not do both?
kb83 on 2014-07-02 09:42:59
Or at least curse the candle if you get burned in the process.
montyb on 2014-07-04 15:22:08
Annamariah on 2014-09-14 18:48:26
"It's hard to light a candle, easy to curse the dark instead" Nightwish - Last Ride of the Day
dovid1946 on 2015-01-16 15:24:15
didn't i find this quote in my fortune cookie the other day
mtvoyager on 2015-02-27 12:02:18
oddcouple on 2015-08-13 16:30:01
Are we sure this was Confucius?
loki on 2015-10-04 09:39:12
Thought this was Emily Dickinson. Time to Google.
Marnita's response cracks me up
"The high minded man must care more for the truth than for what people think." Aristotle
kjmcaj on 2013-03-25 19:39:41
LLapp on 2016-03-25 20:44:02
I agree with kjmcaj.
marnita on 2016-04-04 12:58:30
I don't care what either of you think.
Laughed out loud at the third comment
"There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person."
Yelircrypto on 2012-10-15 14:43:13
jobdevaa on 2013-07-31 17:07:13
As a cat owner I totally agree
tjsrc on 2015-02-27 16:38:00
You can try, but it always ends with "FLUFFY KITTY KITTY PURR PURR WHO'S A LITTLE CUTIE DEMON YES CAT. CAT."
LizardLeap on 2015-11-30 07:05:23
I have had the unfortunate experience of hearing myself talk about my cat...it...sounded...crazy....
"Do not smoke without asking permission or sit so near (as in a train) that the smoke might annoy."
— Amy Vanderbilt
montyb on 2012-07-06 20:01:23
What if you're on fire?
"A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence."
montyb on 2012-05-18 00:07:28
Preposterous! Absolute blatherskite!
locodad on 2012-12-24 13:41:53
I don't think they are , because I don't what that means, so maybe they are right maybe I am not a polysyllable person. By the way, can you say polysyllable ten times without making a mistake/
nehiyawiskwewniya on 2013-06-02 16:31:13
Only in her world!
nanrich on 2013-06-21 23:50:40
Allen on 2014-06-19 04:37:34
Polly Syllables--whoβll ever forget her?
jbb33054 on 2015-04-22 08:27:00
polysyllable is a polysyllable!
abra on 2015-07-26 10:19:32
Actualy, this time I agree with Babs. It must have been some night, Allen. :)
"The master's eye is the best fertilizer. "
Pliny the Elder
sputnick on 2013-07-25 19:29:30
Seems like I've been using the wrong part of the cow for my garden...
maradnu on 2013-12-13 08:48:57
Sounds like a load of fertilizer to me.
beerfan95 on 2014-02-17 12:38:35
It took me longer to figure out "master's" then it took me to figure out "fertilizer"
universalmom on 2014-07-10 11:27:58
abra on 2014-08-01 10:55:31
I had Oyster's eye, do they even have eyes? Once I changed it to MASTER's it became easier. Still took 200 seconds. Only 192 more than the record.
universalmom on 2014-08-23 04:17:11
Haha abra, oyster's eye - that was my giggle for the day!
LLapp on 2015-03-25 16:25:26
This quote is gruesome! I say let the garden go and spare the master's eyeball.
fishbum on 2015-06-16 09:06:00
Consider he is not talking about a garden.
"The art of living easily as to money is to pitch your scale of living one degree below your means." Sir Henry Taylor
montyb on 2014-08-06 14:13:12
For example, you don't really need razor blades!
"Don't live in a town where there are no doctors."
bazinga on 2012-01-22 13:05:51
And don't die in a town where there are no morticians.
montyb on 2012-03-01 12:13:27
And don't grow hair in a town where there are no barbers.
bansaisequoia on 2012-10-02 14:28:12
And don't be undead in a ghost town where there are no metaphysicians.
Carrot on 2013-02-02 05:46:39
And, don't get sick on the high holy days.
montyb on 2013-07-07 02:26:19
And don't give up the holy sick days in contract negotiations.
GtrZan on 2013-10-31 10:05:51
...and don't be a doctor in a town where no one lives!
Prezkot on 2014-02-24 08:19:17
Don't live in a town where there are no village idiots. Lest you become one.
GtrZan on 2014-11-04 08:07:40
And don't live in a town that would have you as a resident
dovid1946 on 2015-02-04 08:07:26
and don';t live in a town without pity
LLapp on 2015-03-21 18:31:35
And don't raise a child in a country with no medical schools.
"Don't live in a town where there are no doctors." Jewish Proverb
Abra, the comments on this quote are the funniest I've seen so far! :D
Thanks, everyone, for so many laughs.
I had a crypto that elicited a rather sad response from JD_1947 about how he had outlived all his friends and relatives. I commented that I was glad he was living a long life, and I hoped he wasn't too lonely. The very next quote had this in the comment section:
JD_1947 on 2014-11-25 12:53:23
. . I always look forward to tomorrow . .
Almost like reassurance! Isn't that kind of beautiful?
That is beautiful, umom. Thank you so much for posting that.
This reminds me of what happened on my screen soon after I started this Forum thread. I had opened late at night with some vintage silliness from Pootie as the first "classic comment." The next afternoon, I checked in and saw that people over in the chat box liked seeing Pootie's humor in the first entry, which made me happy. Then I clicked on "Play" . . . and one of the first puzzles that came up was some famous saying (I forget which) with a solution page that had just one short comment: it was Pootie, saying "Classic quote!"
Okay, maybe you had to be there, but for me, it was magic. Given her choice of word and the particular moment it popped up on my screen, it felt like Pootie was chiming in just to say hello and give a thumbs-up to the new game. I never even knew her, but I've read that she always welcomed new players to the fold.
"The nail that sticks out gets pounded. "
skeeter on 2015-09-18 15:02:24
And the nail that drinks too much gets hammered.
Wow, we really could use a "LIKE" button.
"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make."
kat on 2010-02-17 16:14:46
Does Dan always speak of Dan in the third person?
bansaisequoia on 2010-03-25 21:23:33
Your question has perplexed bansaisequoia. bansaisequoia does not know.
"Beauty is everywhere a welcome guest. "
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
bansaisequoia on 2013-07-03 22:09:51
For sure. I met her at a rave at Beast's castle.
"The fact is always obvious much too late, but the most singular difference between happiness and joy is that happiness is a solid and joy a liquid."
J. D. Salinger
bansaisequoia on 2012-02-06 07:06:38
vivian1874 on 2012-10-21 15:59:34
I love this author!
abra on 2013-09-04 09:41:17
I was going to say "dishwashing liquid", but bansai took care of that a long time ago.
JenDiaz72 on 2015-06-01 13:26:54
Joy is liquid... just like Jack Daniels.
JJ20paws on 2015-08-07 18:25:29
Champagne makes me joyful
marnita on 2016-03-28 03:49:44
I'll drink to that.
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."
bansaisequoia on 2012-02-04 15:52:57
If hiccoughing persists for four hours after taking Laughter, please seek immediate medical help. Patients who are taking nitrous oxide should not use Laughter. If you are taking nitrous oxide, please consult your physician.
puzzleme on 2013-05-18 01:16:04
Excellent, bansai. I can't wait to get me some of that Laughter.
montyb on 2014-08-06 11:23:42
I thought Laughter was over-the-counter.
JenDiaz72 on 2015-01-02 10:26:12
Lower MG of laughter you can get... but sometimes it doesn't work as well....
montyb on 2015-04-18 14:56:19
I split my sides laughing. Is that a side effect?
"Total absence of humor renders life impossible." Sidonie Gabrielle Colette
chopstix on 2014-05-21 16:03:38
I don't find that funny at all.
"It does not matter what the whip is; it is none the less a whip, because you have cut thongs for it out of your own souls. "
golfdiva on 2012-06-20 01:44:00
bazinga on 2012-11-21 14:13:20
Whips and thongs- sounds kinky...
montyb on 2013-10-15 04:26:06
Thong: a strip especially of leather or hide.
Lurker on 2013-12-14 13:01:05
I'm gonna hope this was about slavery.
skoogie2 on 2014-02-15 09:35:34
It is our hope, Lurker..
Quizzical on 2014-09-06 07:29:28
Maybe he was going to make sandals out of the soles of his feet and was a poor speller. Kind of pointless.
LLapp on 2015-01-09 16:44:00
From Ruskin's brief phase of competing in poetry slams at East End strip clubs.
abra on 2015-06-25 12:23:24
I tried WHIMS, it didn't work :) .
It's the early bird that gets the worm. "
Barnabas on 2012-02-03 19:46:58
Yes, but with bacon, eggs, pancakes, waffles, and the like... why would anyone want a worm?
locodad on 2012-02-13 03:00:35
They say they are low in calories and not much fat.
wvwoman on 2012-07-22 21:49:38
well, there's that.
iltquilt on 2012-09-03 13:00:06
Count me in on the "non-worm" breakfast. You cooking Barnabas?
puzzleme on 2013-04-29 08:02:28
It's also the early bird that gets the work.
montyb on 2013-07-23 19:53:15
So sleep late and you won't get worms.
figmo on 2013-07-25 16:43:20
My parents used to say that to me. It inspired me to sleep late.
sunseenli on 2014-02-27 03:38:10
Just goes to show the worm should have stayed in bed.
Barnabas on 2014-04-10 14:32:20
My pancakes are second to none, Iltquilt! And my omelets are pretty good, too.
trailcook on 2014-04-15 03:18:31
But it's the late mouse that gets the cheese!
wvwoman on 2014-05-16 17:22:46
dang, an omelet sounds really good right now!
universalmom on 2014-05-24 15:28:01
hungerβ¦late night hungerβ¦damn you Barnabas!
slow1 on 2015-03-24 10:59:05
Montyb, YOU are clever AND WITTY!
"Science is not a sacred cow. Science is a horse. Don't worship it. Feed it."
universalmom on 2012-04-11 18:32:52
What, you wouldn't feed a cow?
Queethebean on 2012-05-21 22:08:41
Maybe they only eat worship.
cindidido on 2014-03-27 10:23:03
Or ride it wildly across the landscape shouting YEE-HAW!
ekarnowski on 2014-10-11 11:51:15
It says SACRED cow. Don't be obtuse.
SippyGurl on 2015-09-25 01:58:39
i am too obtuse to understand what ekamowski is saying... i hope it's a funny
"I hate women because they always know where things are."
opallady on 2009-11-07 00:47:21
Ah, he's just jealous.
kat on 2010-01-17 18:37:03
Probably lost his keys one too many times.
matarisa on 2011-06-04 01:47:43
xayide on 2015-02-11 10:05:54
The uterus is a homing device.
"The noblest search is the search for excellence." — Lyndon B. Johnson
chopstix on 2012-12-24 02:50:30
I'm gonna start calling my house key Excellence.
JD_1947 on 2014-12-19 05:55:29
. . where did I put my excellent cell phone . . . .
My favorite "slow record" comment ever
"The world is full of fools; and he who would not wish to see one, must not only shut himself up alone, but must also break his looking-glass." Boileau
tskaggs6 on 2014-11-06 14:47:54
Yahoooo! Last place and I didn't have to cheat by going out to get the mail or anything.
a thought-provoking group of comments
"In the final analysis, style is art. And art is nothing more or less than various modes of stylized, dehumanized representation. "
babs on 2010-02-26 16:45:56
Hmmm...stylized, yes--but dehumanized? Not if that means lacking meaning relevant to the human experience and condition.
MoreMadMunch on 2010-03-11 19:55:13
Susan Sontag is a cynic. By definition, art or any representation stands at one or more removes from life and direct experience. Yet (also by definition) art serves to enhance life by calling forth from within a profound human response.
pootie49 on 2011-05-06 03:44:14
Susan had every right to be cynical. I dont think however in this context she was. I believe she was making a commentary on modern art. Which if closely viewed is at times extremely dehumanizing.
universalmom on 2012-04-18 00:21:35
How do you earn the right to be cynical?
lainie18 on 2012-09-22 01:33:56
I think she missed something about the best art.
msswitch on 2014-09-26 09:53:19
All one must do to earn the right be cynical is to pay attention. I think this is especially true when considering the connection between art in its broadest sense and commerce. As a general rule, our society regards and rewards the entertainer rather than those who seek and meaning via artistic endeavors.
LLapp on 2015-02-16 19:31:31
Such astute comments! So glad I stumbled into this room.
ronasid on 2015-10-02 18:13:55
I'm glad I solved this if only for the comments :)
tgreen517 on 2016-01-24 18:58:11
Yes, the best part is the comments. I think anyone can be cynical if they want to be, though. No need to earn the right. Its not like you could stop them.
"He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes - he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever."
Barnabas on 2012-05-01 19:14:44
It can be an awfully long five minutes though.
montyb on 2013-05-14 22:03:11
Is this really true? (I'll let you know in 5 minutes.)
montyb on 2014-01-18 11:36:35
Nope. (Sorry about the delay.)
dovid1946 on 2015-05-07 12:12:44
some 5 minute delay monty, that was more like 8 months. good thing I didnt hold my breath
"You have a wonderful child. Then, when he's thirteen, gremlins carry him away and leave in his place a stranger who gives you not a moment's peace."
pootie49 on 2011-07-14 15:22:58
Please tell me this is a line from a movie??
afulton on 2012-01-25 14:35:20
I think it's a know fact for teenage daughters.
Lily H on 2013-02-02 23:44:05
Then some day those daughters grow up and have families of their own, and the cycle repeats itself. It's called paybacks. LOL!
figmo on 2013-07-16 16:35:06
You mean teenaged *boys* (note the use of "him" to refer to the child and not "her").
abra on 2014-11-30 09:19:47
The gremlins never really kept my son. Apparently, they tried to coax him over to the dark side. He gave us a few rough days, but mostly he was a loving and amazing teenager.
JD_1947 on 2014-12-07 12:36:17
. . I told my son about the gremlins . . . scared him so bad he didn't move out 'til he was 28 . . . .
montyb on 2015-05-02 10:25:00
Wait.....we're supposed to move out?
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