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03-28-2016, 11:35 PM
For years, the players at Cryptograms.org have been leaving comments on quote solution pages that are often more astute, creative, hilarious, or inspiring than the quotes themselves. Here is a thread where we can save some of our favorite comments and conversations from many years of quote-commenting.


1. Always start with the quote and attribution, for context, and then paste in the comments below the quote.

2. With each comment, include the commenter's name and date/time stamp.

3. Post whatever portion of the thread that you want to include here -- it can be just one comment, or several comments, or the entire thread.

4. Quote individual comments verbatim. Don't edit, change or shorten what people have written.

5. If you post a sequence of comments, it's okay to leave out in-between comments that aren't part of the classic moment. You know, like you can skip the "87 seconds" comment and other mundane or unrelated stuff. (Or go ahead and keep them in, if you feel they contribute to the magic of the thread.)

6. Remember, this is a place to save the wonderful stuff, not the other stuff.

To show you the format, I'll open in my next post with one of my favorite comments from Pootie (who passed away before I joined the site, but whose words delight me).

03-28-2016, 11:37 PM
"If the television craze continues with the present level of programs, we are destined to have a nation of morons." — Daniel Marsh

puffybob on 2011-05-02 04:14:02
And he said that in 1950 . . .

pootie49 on 2011-06-03 17:43:12

03-29-2016, 02:02 PM
"Wise sayings often fall on barren ground, but a kind word is never thrown away."
— Sir Arthur Helps

puffybob on 2013-03-31 06:21:34
But Lord Egbert Hurts disagrees.

03-29-2016, 05:44 PM
"No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why."
— Mignon McLaughlin

haverwench on 2013-01-26 19:51:00
Sorry, what was that?

wolf on 2015-09-05 22:48:17
I don't know, I wasn't listening.

03-29-2016, 07:34 PM
"As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words." — William Shakespeare

bvwRedux on 2012-02-16 02:11:19
And yet it hath been done, that snow is melted and stripped by marvelous electrodes into fuel and air -- hydrogen the first, and oxygen the latter -- then kindled easily, so too is lust's sudden flame easily quenched with a blanket of careful words.

03-29-2016, 08:20 PM
Something tells me we're going to see a lot of montyb comments. He's frequently hilarious

03-29-2016, 08:40 PM
Like this one:

April hath put a spirit of youth in everything."
— William Shakespeare

montyb on 2014-02-27 14:27:54
boy, would I like to meet this April lady.

03-29-2016, 09:19 PM
Something tells me we're going to see a lot of montyb comments. He's frequently hilarious

Barnabas, too. He made a quip on a quote from Arthur Miller, who was speaking at Brandeis. Someone asked Miller why theater or the arts should get government grants and subsidies, when most businesses have to finance themselves. This was before the bank bailouts, I guess. To which Miller replied, and this was the quotation, can you tell me the name of a classical Greek shoemaker?

Sure, said Barnabas. There was Achilles' Heels, a mile or so from the Parthenon.

Sorry, LLapp, I've managed to violate every stipulation in your opening post, save the last. Obviously, this is from memory; one never knows when a particular quotation will strike again: tomorrow, next week, next year.

Also I have a question. You write like an editor instructing an author in matters of style. Is that -- or was it -- your career? Your talent is evident.

03-29-2016, 10:08 PM
munchlet - That's fine, I didn't mean for the format to be rigid, and I was afraid it might be. My intent was to provide a clear basic template so people could easily take part without having to figure out how to do it. And...at the same time, I wanted to encourage a few things -- like date/time stamps (because I love how some conversations take years), and not altering the individual comments (because nobody likes to be misquoted).

That said, what you just did was fine too. I'm not in charge. It's fine.

And yes, you guessed it, I am an editor. Most recently I worked as a book editor for a tiny publishing house, and working with authors was my favorite part of the job. I love encouraging authors to engage with their work.

03-30-2016, 12:34 AM
"There is nothing stronger in the world than gentleness."
— Han Suyin

montyb on 2013-06-12 11:39:38
Oh yeah? What about Bounty paper towels?

03-30-2016, 01:00 AM
Here's a conversation that took over two years:

"Running a casino is like robbing a bank with no cops around." — Ace

pootie49 on 2009-05-18 22:36:57
I think this might be from the movie "Casino"

LiveLoveLaugh on 2009-07-12 13:10:22
Ace Rothstein --- Movie character quotes? Interesting

bonsaisequoia on 2009-07-28 00:22:49
Or is it a Nicholas Pileggi quote, since he wrote the screenplay?

pootie49 on 2009-09-09 18:00:35
Is he any relation to Mitch Pileggi?

bansaisequoia on 2009-11-16 23:53:00
No relation. Just like Donald Duck and Daffy Duck.

Lurker on 2010-04-05 13:27:38
Or Babs and Buster Bunny.

pootie49 on 2011-04-07 01:49:09
or goofy and pluto?

bansaisequoia on 2011-04-16 05:59:08
Actually, Goofy is still regarded as a planet, but Pluto has been downgraded to just another Solar orbiting body. (And rumor has it that Walt Disney's body has been cryogenically preserved on an icy, icy asteroid. I read it in Weekly World News.)

pootie49 on 2011-07-30 09:30:57
There is a planet named Goofy??? Why the hell am I not on it? and if you read it in the WWN then it must be true.

03-30-2016, 03:30 AM
Here's one of my attempts at humor:

"Characters do not change. Opinions alter, but characters are only developed. "
— Benjamin Disraeli

oddcouple on 2013-11-05 01:24:07
And boy, do I know some characters!

03-30-2016, 03:45 AM
"You are your own judge. The verdict is up to you."
— Astrid Alauda

crossland68 on 2013-04-12 15:40:12
Not guilty by reason of insanity.

locodad on 2013-06-05 01:17:05
most of us are.

montyb on 2014-06-26 08:24:15
My case was a hung jury.

kb83 on 2014-12-09 04:50:30
I'd like a new venue.

mazereeuw on 2015-02-18 16:12:55
I'm worried that this judge is an idiot.

marnita on 2015-02-27 08:53:27
Innocent until proven guilty.

MatthewReynolds on 2015-10-02 05:58:40
I remand myself to my own custody.

03-31-2016, 11:27 AM
"You've got to be in top physical condition. Fatigue makes cowards of us all. "
— Vince Lombardi

montyb on 2012-06-07 17:25:24
I go to bed scared every night.

03-31-2016, 12:04 PM
"In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted." — Bertrand Russell

chopstix on 2014-08-29 08:00:08
- but if you do it too often, you start sounding like a valley girl.

03-31-2016, 12:20 PM
"I'm not afraid of insects taking over the world, and you know why? It would take about a billion ants just to AIM a gun at me, let alone fire it." - Jack Handey

opallady on 2009-11-01
"Obviously, he has never stepped on a fire ant nest."

03-31-2016, 02:44 PM
Now, we really need a LIKE button.

03-31-2016, 04:12 PM
It's a great thread, Ms. Lapp, and since you started it, you're in charge.

I agree about not misquoting people. That's easy to do.

Problem is, I'm too competitive to stop, copy the comments, then post them here. It's always on to the next cryptogram, fast as I can get there. :(

I found your profile on LinkedIn, read it with interest. Going forward, I'll stay within the guidelines, so long as you don't cite the Chicago Manual of Style. (I once did a transcription gig that required reference to the AP Stylebook.)


03-31-2016, 06:28 PM
"A vein of poetry exists in the hearts of all men." — Thomas Carlyle

montyb on 2014-01-14 09:59:08
Mine is varicose.

kb83 on 2014-07-31 10:12:49
Must be the poemenary vein.

LLapp on 2015-12-10 13:23:32
Mine is clogged with style manuals.

03-31-2016, 07:21 PM

Occupational hazard.

03-31-2016, 10:10 PM
If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that "Members not Present" and "Subjects Discussed" were one and the same."
— Robert Brault

Kgun5 on 2013-02-12 18:32:14
Translation: "My family never found me interesting enough to talk about nor invite to family gatherings, so I created a blog of my ten thousand favorite phrases. Now the world can appreciate what my family doesn't."

04-01-2016, 03:29 AM
"To live is so startling it leaves little time for anything else."

montyb on 2014-01-24 15:48:04
OMG! I'm alive! What am I doing here when I could be living?

wshanley@sbcglobal.net on 2015-05-26 02:03:27

LLapp on 2016-03-12 13:27:16
Oh Emily, you understand! This is exactly why we need a 5-day weekend.

04-01-2016, 06:22 AM
"The most valuable function performed by the federal government is entertainment."

fredsevent on 2012-04-08 01:06:14
Yes. Thank you, Dave. The real problem is that most problems can be solved efficiently by 8-year-olds, but the government refuses to hire any of them.

RedEnoch on 2012-06-18 06:40:32
Let's move the capital to Hollywood and kill two birds with one stone. The movie industry already spends more on technology. The show in Washington really isn't entertaining anymore.

04-01-2016, 08:05 AM
"Unquestionably, it is possible to do without happiness; it is done involuntarily by nineteen-twentieths of mankind."
— John Stuart Mill


abra on 2016-02-27 15:25:46
You didn't expect quotes, about sunshine and daisies from that face. Did you?

04-01-2016, 10:10 AM
OMgosh, I was quoted. I'm shocked and thrilled.

I was just laughing and agreeing with Kgun's comment above, I'm glad momn8rr posted it.

04-01-2016, 11:14 AM
"To the old, the new is usually bad news. "
— Eric Hoffer

QuexUl on 2016-01-04 17:21:53
That's because the new frequently IS bad news. For example, I was brought up using telephones with cords attached to them. Never once walked into something or crashed my car while talking on one of those phones, by cracky! Hee hee hee - *hak! kaff!!*

04-01-2016, 11:37 AM
"I often thought that if there had been a good rap group around in those days, I might have chosen a career in music instead of politics."
— Richard Milhous Nixon

pootie49 on 2011-05-24 17:02:37
wacka wacka i am not a crook wacka wacka. word.

04-01-2016, 11:45 AM
So many of Pootie's comments are quote worthy. Thanks, munchlet. I'm sure we'll be seeing many of them.

04-01-2016, 03:27 PM
"Thus Belial, with words clothed in reason's garb, counseled ignoble ease, and peaceful sloth, not peace. "
— John Milton

labrat on 2012-02-26 19:07:29
Thou oh Milton, find this Belial, an' appear not again 'till thee find ignoble counsel. 10 points ye quote hath won me! ! If I cross thy path wouldst be to soon.

04-01-2016, 05:12 PM
"A university should be a place of light, of liberty, and of learning. "
— Benjamin Disraeli

bonsaisekuoia on 2010-02-24 21:07:19
So it's LLL?

LiveLoveLaugh on 2010-06-13 22:41:19
yes LLL

LLapp on 2015-08-20 12:29:29
I, LL, agree with LLL that it's LLL.

kb83 on 2016-03-08 09:44:51

04-01-2016, 05:30 PM
"The wise man... if he would live at peace with others, he will bear and forbear. "
— Samuel Smiles

Allen on 2014-08-24 05:05:37
Forbear, fivebear, who’s counting?

montyb on 2015-10-10 18:22:06
Allen is.

04-01-2016, 05:38 PM
"You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea"
— unattributed

maradnu on 2011-03-23 01:38:32
I guess I'm not that old.

kb77 on 2011-09-09 12:27:34
i dont know, my six year old comes up with ideas all the time that pain me greatly!! :)

WRQ9 on 2013-11-15 11:37:40
I've gotten so much younger, it's a shame my body hasn't heard.

maradnu on 2015-01-25 12:03:13
Ah, but I was so much older then I'm younger than that now.

hasselblad on 2015-02-23 06:42:39
Ah, ageism. The last "acceptable" prejudice!

04-01-2016, 06:24 PM
"To your friends, you're like a trash bag. They'll use you for a little bit, then they'll throw you out."
— Adam R. Gwizdala

Queethebean on 2012-05-22 19:24:21
That's my friend, Adam R. Gwizdala. Well, he used to be my friend, but, you know how that goes . .

04-02-2016, 12:26 AM
"It is always possible to bind together a considerable number of people in love, so long as there are other people left over to receive the manifestations of their aggression. "
— Sigmund Freud

montyb on 2012-03-15 19:23:43
Isn't that what in-laws are for?

04-02-2016, 01:28 AM
"The greatest of all gifts is the power to estimate things at their true worth."
— Francois de la Rochefoucauld

cleofish on 2012-09-22 10:03:36
Did he foresee "The Price is Right"?

04-02-2016, 07:16 AM
"Unquestionably, it is possible to do without happiness; it is done involuntarily by nineteen-twentieths of mankind."
— John Stuart Mill

abra on 2016-02-27 15:25:46
You didn't expect quotes about sunshine and daisies from that face. Did you?

OMgosh, I was quoted. I'm shocked and thrilled.

Abra, you merit multiple citations. I always read your comments and usually learn something or laugh out loud.

Where did Mr. Mill get that statistic, 19/20s of mankind? Did he pull it out of you-know-where? Did he generalize from his own feelings? Recent research on happiness suggests he was far off the mark. Most people can generate happiness, even in fairly miserable circumstances, and it's essential to survival.

04-02-2016, 07:21 AM
"You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs. "
— Unattributed

PianoManGidley on 2010-12-02 01:37:32
Any cook will tell you that. But look what happened to the cook!

Lurker on 2010-12-22 01:37:06
I love that movie. :)

bansaisequoia on 2011-08-02 14:16:03
What movie?

WRQ9 on 2012-07-27 00:06:53
What cook?

BeeAre on 2012-09-22 13:04:10
I thought this was Walter Durranty talking about Joe Stalin starving millions of people in the Ukraine famine of the late thirties.

locodad on 2012-09-28 10:50:35
What did the egg say to the cook?-You crack me up

Lurker on 2013-09-21 12:55:55
The movie was Clue. I believe this particular exchange was Martin Mull and Eileen Brennan.

04-02-2016, 08:29 AM
Munchlet. Interesting quote about 19/20th of people. I don't believe it either, but I don't believe very many statistics. I think 95% of statistics are made up to prove whatever the quoter wants them to say.

04-02-2016, 09:56 AM
"You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs. "
— Unattributed

PianoManGidley on 2010-12-02 01:37:32
Any cook will tell you that. But look what happened to the cook!

Lurker on 2010-12-22 01:37:06
I love that movie.

bansaisequoia on 2011-08-02 14:16:03
What movie?

WRQ9 on 2012-07-27 00:06:53
What cook?

BeeAre on 2012-09-22 13:04:10
I thought this was Walter Durranty talking about Joe Stalin starving millions of people in the Ukraine famine of the late thirties.

locodad on 2012-09-28 10:50:35
What did the egg say to the cook?-You crack me up

Lurker on 2013-09-21 12:55:55
The movie was Clue. I believe this particular exchange was Martin Mull and Eileen Brennan.to

I remember this quote, I was Clueless, about what they were talking about.

04-02-2016, 01:05 PM
"No creature is fully itself till it is, like the dandelion, opened in the bloom of pure relationship to the sun, the entire living cosmos."
— D.H. Lawrence

montyb on 2012-01-26 12:23:10
Then my yard is fully itself.

(i laughed when i read this, laughed when i copied it, and laughed again when i pasted it. a 3-laugh rating is excellent!)

04-02-2016, 02:38 PM
Full of dandelions, huh? So was my yard, till one day in a fit of madness I dug them up. All of them, including those long, ugly roots.

Alas. My yard never recovered from its radical surgery. Losing the weeds does not mean gaining a lush carpet of grass. That part takes cultivation.

OddCouple, John Stuart Mill made up that statistic, intentionally, in the service of rhetoric. It's called ironic overstatement, something like that, but it betrays a bleak view of the world.

And, Abra, guess what I just found at the library? Clue, the movie, on DVD. Next week, I may know what happened to the cook. Right now, I'm as Clueless as you were.

04-02-2016, 04:28 PM
"Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more. "
— Anthony Robbins

puffybob on 2010-07-27 04:36:10
More what?

MarcusAurelius on 2011-06-15 11:41:41
More better

fredsevent on 2011-10-08 20:55:29
Mass. Eat people, eat.

iltquilt on 2012-09-26 02:10:12
Hmm. Sounds like Soylent Green.

wordfairy on 2015-03-19 20:27:44
Proving that punctuation really can save lives. :)

04-02-2016, 05:08 PM
"Most people give up just when they're about to achieve success. They quit on the one yard line. They give up at the last minute of the game, one foot from a winning touchdown." -Ross Perot

montyb on 2013-06-28 21:31:57
I'm glad we did not elect a man who apparently believes that one yard equals one foot.

kb83 on 2014-05-13 16:38:43
great catch! He should use "metaphor-logic-check."

fredsevent on 2014-08-08 03:14:01
Might it not depend upon how big the foot is? Does Ross wear a 45D shoe?

LLapp on 2014-08-31 15:26:16
No. 45D earmuffs, maybe.

04-02-2016, 05:10 PM
You don't want to get to the end of life's journey and discover you never left the interstate."
— Robert Brault

kb77 on 2011-08-24 18:13:47
that would be disappointing, especially for the europeans on the autobon.

fredsevent on 2012-02-09 06:21:50
Dude, in a fun car, on a gorgeous day, blasting great music, with little traffic - I find those moments as good as any other.

opallady on 2012-04-08 22:10:52
I know people who traveled the entire length of Montana and never saw a mountain. Sad.

saipanwriter on 2012-07-23 02:10:36
still hating these motivational quotes. Brault's are among my least favorite.

Carrot on 2013-01-17 15:11:19
Blah, Blah, Blah Blogger's quotes don't even leave the driveway of his home, let alone make it to the interstate of mildly scenic or barely interesting. How GREAT it would be to see an end to his site quotes journey!!!!!!!!!!!

JetMech on 2014-02-19 12:13:01
opallady, I'm from Montana and it is impossible to drive the length and not see a mountain,,,,however, to drive the width in eastern Montana one would never see a mountain :)

chopstix on 2014-02-28 05:55:27
you got that right fredsevent!

montyb on 2014-09-06 14:56:54
https://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play;_ylt=A2KLqIEYtQtU4TIAlcP7w8QF;_ylu=X3oDMTEwNG doZnJ0BHNlYwNzcgRzbGsDdmlkBHZ0aWQDVjE3MARncG9zAzE4 ?p=born+to+be+wild&vid=c4492ceebe3cbaae5b6718faa47875e3&l=2%3A55&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts1.mm.bing.net%2Fth%3Fid%3DVN.6 08025480853127356%26pid%3D15.1&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D5H t1k67buPg&tit=Steppenwolf+-+%3Cb%3EBorn+to+be+Wild%3C%2Fb%3E&c=17&sigr=11a4o3ofv&sigt=114moeog4&age=0&&tt=b

universalmom on 2014-09-15 16:12:24
predictable rant from carrot - so much hate!

JD_1947 on 2014-11-18 02:06:55
Boring . . . insert your choice of words after 'you never' and you have your very own quote . . .

dovid1946 on 2014-12-24 03:49:38
I know plenty of people who died and had never left New Jersey

LLapp on 2016-03-23 07:45:30
I used to know people who went through life without leaving northeast Philadelphia.

04-02-2016, 05:52 PM
"Everyone is unique. Compare not yourself with anyone else lest you spoil God's curriculum."
— Baal Shem Tov

(Rabbi Yisroel (Israel) ben Eliezer was born in Ukraine around 1700 CE. Through the force of a charismatic personality and profound knowledge of the tradition, he founded a branch of Judaism known as Hasidism, a fusion of mysticism (Kabbalah) and Orthodoxy. His moniker, Baal Shem Tov, means Master of the Good Name.)

dovid1946 on 2015-01-01 01:25:43
'curriculum' is probably not the proper translation from the original Yiddish, or Hebrew or Polish

montyb on 2015-07-21 01:17:17
Wait until the Texas state Board of Education gets hold of it.

Andy451 on 2016-01-24 05:12:15
So we're all just like snowflakes then? Ohhh, so that's why there's such a nasty blizzard outside right now.

kb83 on 2016-03-08 12:47:36
And just remember, you too are unique, just like everyone else.

04-02-2016, 07:08 PM
"The becoming of man is the history of the exhaustion of his possibilities."
— Susan Sontag

LLapp on 2014-10-09 12:13:28
Now that I've seen a few of Susan Sontag's quotes, I get the impression that she built her sentences mainly out of big abstract nouns that she glued together with a series of prepositional phrases, like a protein chain. Oh if I had been her editor, I'd have forced her to write an entire book in metaphor.

04-02-2016, 07:26 PM
"It often happens that I wake up at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope." — Pope John XXIII

GtrZan on 2015-02-23 09:09:32
yeah, this happens to me too.

04-02-2016, 07:40 PM
"You get whatever accomplishment you are willing to declare. "
— Malachi Pancoast

montyb on 2014-02-27 23:05:18
I solved this inane bit of tripe!!!!

04-02-2016, 10:32 PM
"It often happens that I wake up at night and begin to think about a serious problem and decide I must tell the Pope about it. Then I wake up completely and remember that I am the Pope." — Pope John XXIII

GtrZan on 2015-02-23 09:09:32
yeah, this happens to me too.

Really, really, great comment. I've laughed over it more than once.

04-03-2016, 11:47 AM
"Desperate affairs require desperate remedies."
— Horatio Nelson

JenDiaz72 on 2015-12-17 11:14:08

saipanwriter on 2016-01-11 23:55:21

04-03-2016, 01:14 PM
LLapp's rejoinder is what makes this hilarious.

"If you want to win friends, make it a point to remember them. Remember my name and you add to my feeling of importance."
— Dale Carnegie

montyb on 2014-08-10 11:02:24
I certainly will do so, Hale.

LLapp on 2015-05-13 16:10:28
Oh Molty, that's what I was going to say!

04-03-2016, 05:44 PM
"A great thing can only be done by a great person; and they do it without effort. " — John Ruskin

maradnu on 2009-02-22 00:54:19

bansaisequoia on 2009-09-16 18:08:53
It took Michelangelo four years to complete the Sistine Chapel ceiling.

Roxanne on 2013-08-26 02:11:08
Only because it was hard for him to get the hands right.

04-04-2016, 03:31 AM
"You could read Kant by yourself, if you wanted; but you must share a joke with someone else. "
— Robert Louis Stevenson

bansaisequoia on 2009-05-23 20:09:43
What if I can't read Kant?

maradnu on 2010-09-07 01:22:00
You kan't?

haverwench on 2010-09-28 02:30:37
I think "if you wanted" is the important phrase.

montyb on 2012-03-13 15:08:33
What if you joke about Kant?

montyb on 2012-06-05 19:38:30
The Wrath of Kant.

bazinga on 2012-11-15 22:23:50
Hey, I liked Kant!

locodad on 2012-11-21 04:17:53
you kant do it you kant

puzzleme on 2013-05-26 01:50:41
Why kant you all behave here?!

maradnu on 2013-10-10 14:33:02
Kant we all just get along?

montyb on 2014-01-07 04:42:53
Actually I want to share a Coke with someone else.

wvwoman on 2014-04-21 16:14:19
i also wanted to share a coke.

04-04-2016, 08:06 AM
"Always have some project under way - an ongoing project that goes over from day to day and thus makes each day a smaller unit of time."
— Dr. Lillian Troll

Barnabas on 2013-03-05 18:49:44
Thought life was too short already.

Suz11 on 2013-06-05 01:26:47
Advice to the suicidal?

Lurker on 2013-08-30 15:00:47
He he... her name's Troll.

Quizzical on 2014-07-16 17:02:27
I've always wondered why, in the frenzy to move to the metric system in the 1960's, time was not metricated. Ten seconds would make up a minute, ten minutes a metric hour, ten metric hours a day, ten days a metric month and ten metric months a metric year. That would be 100,000 English seconds in a metric year. This way a person who lived to be 85 years old under the old English system could live metrically to be 26,800 years old. Look how long the metric system can extend life without even any new medical advancements!

04-04-2016, 09:28 AM
"They say genes skip generations. Maybe that's why grandparents find their grandchildren so likeable."
— Joan McIntosh

LLapp on 2015-01-06 18:21:18
I thought it was because they have a common enemy.

04-04-2016, 10:29 AM
Wow, Bonlocker! I just played that puzzle today and thought it was a good candidate for this thread. :D

04-04-2016, 10:43 AM
"Any affectation whatsoever in dress implies, in my mind, a flaw in the understanding."
— Philip Dormer Stanhope


fishbum on 2011-10-30 21:22:20
He'd flip out to see young people today.

puzzleme on 2013-05-07 03:18:54
A Whig in a wig. What a wag.

04-04-2016, 10:52 AM
Wow, Bonlocker! I just played that puzzle today and thought it was a good candidate for this thread. :D
I'm finding way too many I find worthy of being on here. Almost can't make up my mind

04-04-2016, 10:53 AM
"I do not fear failure. I only fear the slowing up of the engine inside of me which is pounding, saying, Keep going, someone must be on top, why not you? " — George S. Patton

Queethebean on 2013-03-26 17:55:30
I guess he liked to be on top.

wvwoman on 2014-05-15 06:04:14
lots of folks do!

04-04-2016, 11:48 AM
"Golf is the cruelest game, because eventually it will drag you out in front of the whole school, take your lunch money and slap you around."
— Rick Reilly

LLapp on 2014-09-30 08:46:09
I had no idea that golf was such a brutal game until I started doing these cryptograms.

04-04-2016, 11:48 AM
"Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window."
— Unattributed

locodad on 2013-09-22 17:18:03
it only tookme 47513 seconds and that is not even my record

abra on 2014-08-11 14:18:10
You do have sticktoitiveness, locodad.

Andy451 on 2015-11-07 06:32:55
Doesn't Jesus know? I mean, didn't the Virgin Mary tell him one time when she was peeling onions and zucchini for the ghost with the most? And didn't his famous father tell him one time when he was knitting garments for the Trojan Horse? Why follow a religious leader if he is a complete idiot, and doesn't even know as much about the art of motorcycle maintenance as his family dog? I mean, if dogs run free then why not we to ravish in the corn? And locodad, should you really be bragging about how fast you solved the cryptogram? It took me ten times as long to solve this one. You hurt my feelings, man!

jimdgar on 2016-03-11 04:51:46
Andy, cut down on the coffee dude.

Addendum: The slowest time was only 575 seconds, so hyperbole all round:)

04-04-2016, 04:55 PM
"There is always some frivolity in excellent minds; they have wings to rise, but also stray. "
— Joseph Joubert

Allen on 2014-03-14 02:52:14
And now they call it Attention Deficit Disorder.

04-05-2016, 01:07 AM
Addendum: The slowest time was only 575 seconds, so hyperbole all round:)

Actually, not necessarily. The fastest solving time gets updated to the bell curve, but for some reason slow records don't. When you first make a new slow record, you see it on the bell curve, but when you get back to the same quote later, it's not there anymore.

04-05-2016, 04:15 AM
Actually, not necessarily. The fastest solving time gets updated to the bell curve, but for some reason slow records don't. When you first make a new slow record, you see it on the bell curve, but when you get back to the same quote later, it's not there anymore.

i've always wondered about that. also, the success rate never seems to change--i'll notice that someone in 2009 has commented that the rate is only 6.9%, for instance; here we are, several years later, and it's exactly the same.

04-05-2016, 05:04 AM
"There can be no great courage where there is no confidence or assurance, and half the battle is in the conviction that we can do what we undertake. "
— Orison Swett Marden

puzzleme on 2013-05-31 01:13:24
In other words, "don't Swett the small stuff."

04-05-2016, 06:51 AM
"The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it."
— C.C. Scott

abra on 2014-06-12 13:41:51
There are too many "broken" people in the world for me to believe this. It's a nice thought, though.

abracadebra on 2015-03-24 13:30:37
The human spirit is invisible, not invincible!

dddeedee on 2015-09-08 01:07:39
abracadebra - I like your quote better

LLapp on 2015-11-26 16:47:41
Which reminds me of...."If God created-a Man in his own image, how come-a we're not all, like, invisible?" - Father Guido Sarducci

04-05-2016, 10:51 AM
Oh, I wish that quote was in front of me so, I could comment something about "finda the Pope in the pizza".:)

People often comment about setting those really slow records, but they don't show up. I've set a few myself, they go away. I have seen the success rate change, but only by a tenth or so, which I always think may have been a typo, by the person who mentioned it. I wish admin would clear up some of these easy questions for us.

04-05-2016, 02:33 PM
The statistics curve looks like a bell curve, but closer examination shows that it isn't. There are 5 numbers on the x-axis; the first is the record time and the third is the average of all solvers' times (I believe). The second number is midway between the fastest and the average. The 4th number is three times the average and the 5th is five times the average. These are arbitrary boundaries for the "very slow" region of the graph and I believe it was done that way to simplify the recordkeeping and also to not spotlight those times when something interrupts us while trying to solve a puzzle.

An individual's "record slow time" appears only for that individual and is then incorporated into the average. Unless the average changes significantly, the last two numbers on the graph will remain the same.

04-05-2016, 07:56 PM
"Fashions are the only induced epidemics, proving that epidemics can be induced by tradesmen."
— George Bernard Shaw

universalmom on 2015-10-04 03:17:03
Typhoid YSL?

04-05-2016, 09:21 PM
"Nowhere can a man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul." — Marcus Aurelius

JenDiaz72 on 2015-01-06 07:16:45
I sold my soul so I have to settle with a Chrysler Lebaron...

04-06-2016, 01:25 AM
Here's a three-and-a-half-year conversation:

"The ingenuity of the device blinds us to its utter uselessness." — British civil servant

Lurker on 2010-04-18 02:22:29
How can someone type that fast?

bansaisequoia on 2010-06-24 22:37:38
Wow, that sounds like the comment of a total rookie. (Hey! How did Lurker solve that one in just six seconds????)

Lurker on 2011-08-06 22:45:23
I do not remember writing that. For the record, the comment was about typing, not solving.

fredsevent on 2011-08-08 18:53:37
I did some research and cannot determine which device it is. Any guesses?

bansaisequoia on 2012-02-02 01:04:33
It was when Dr Who applied for his patent on the Tardis.

chopstix on 2013-11-22 06:14:30
it was a super fast keyboard

04-06-2016, 09:13 AM
"All you need is the plan, the road map, and the courage to press on to your destination. " -- Earl Nightingale

joed on 2013-05-06 17:09:15
...and this lamp...and this ashtray...

chopstix on 2014-02-18 07:47:09
and this paddle game...and this chair...

wvwoman on 2014-09-01 03:47:53
...and plenty of water...

DeskJockey on 2014-10-09 02:17:04
....and this remote control...that's all I need...I DON"T NEED ONE OTHER THING...except this chair...

Qtip on 2015-02-10 07:28:04
I'm picking out a thermos for you....

maradnu on 2015-03-16 12:17:13
Without the ability, determination will only get you so far.

Vienna on 2015-08-15 18:13:54
I hear motivational speakers and want to say "Thank you Captain Obvious"

marnita on 2015-10-05 05:40:54
I just want to yawn.

04-07-2016, 07:10 AM
This works best when you google a picture of Ibsen.

"The spirit of truth and the spirit of freedom - these are the pillars of society. "
— Henrik Ibsen

montyb on 2014-12-13 02:19:15
Those and pizza.

GtrZan on 2015-01-29 07:54:53
looks like he has pillars on his face!

jval on 2015-03-19 14:24:57
How did that facial hair style ever come into being?

LLapp on 2015-12-28 17:50:58
Truth and Freedom were the names of his left and right muttonchops, respectively. Together they were known as the pillars of society. At least I think that's what he meant.

04-07-2016, 07:14 AM
"I wish that every human life might be pure transparent freedom."
— Simone de Beauvoir

saipanwriter on 2012-05-19 03:08:10
Who even knows what pure transparent freedom is?

fredsevent on 2012-07-15 01:34:53
It's gin.

madrone on 2012-11-24 19:41:09

Allen on 2013-05-14 16:14:12
Transparent freedom: freedom you can see through.

abra on 2015-02-10 15:51:52
I like the gin and vodka votes, but I think Allen has nailed it. :)

mikehallbackhoe on 2015-10-15 10:40:26
it has to be unadulterated,

04-07-2016, 07:15 AM
"Life is a sexually transmitted disease."
— Anonymous

Carrot on 2012-10-15 00:28:57
Gee how uplifting, the only things this quote is missing is death and taxes!

montyb on 2012-10-27 20:17:13
Oh my Lord -- I've caught it! Unclean! Unclean!

puffybob on 2012-12-26 06:47:13
Don't worry, it's curable.

joed on 2013-03-26 13:48:12
Too late, I've passed it on...

04-07-2016, 07:28 AM
In spite of all our speeding it's still the style to be late."
— Kin Hubbard

dovid1946 on 2015-02-24 14:55:30
today it even has a name - fasionably late

dovid1946 on 2015-04-20 07:59:16
fashionably late, that is- correcting my typo from feb. 24.

wordfairy on 2015-06-04 23:48:53
You were fashionably late making your correction. :)

LLapp on 2016-04-04 19:07:26
Well I'm finally here. Traffic was ungodly and I am famished. Where's the caviar?

04-07-2016, 12:42 PM
"Prudence and compromise are necessary means, but every man should have an imprudent end which he will not compromise."
— Charles Horton Cooley

kb83 on 2015-03-20 03:46:19
Please don't show me your imprudent end.

mikehallbackhoe on 2015-08-24 19:45:12
unless he's willing to compromise it

04-07-2016, 02:42 PM
"In life, the first thing you must do is decide what you really want." — Alfred Armand Montapert

puzzleme on 2013-05-31 03:10:13
I really wanted to slap that doctor right back.

04-07-2016, 07:18 PM
I really want to join in on this thread, but I can't figure out how to do it efficiently - is there a way to copy and paste, or do you guys just re-type??

04-07-2016, 08:07 PM
I really want to join in on this thread, but I can't figure out how to do it efficiently - is there a way to copy and paste, or do you guys just re-type??

Here's how I do it:

I keep the solution page open and also open up a new tab on my screen. In the new tab, I open the Forum thread and start a new response. Then, between the two tabs, I do two different copy-and-paste operations: first the quote and author, and then the comment(s).

After pasting in the quote, you may notice odd formatting (the quote shows up indented, and the author appears flush right), which may or may not bother you. I fix the format on my entries, but that's because I am the most persnickety format person in Chester County.


04-08-2016, 12:08 PM
"Sweat silently. Let's have no squawking about a little expenditure of energy."
— Martin H. Fischer

universalmom on 2013-09-30 14:39:13
HA - so this is where my trainer gets his sadism from!

04-08-2016, 05:37 PM
"Even Albert Einstein reportedly needed help on his 1040 form."
— Ronald Reagan

kb83 on 2015-11-04 03:31:20
If you were filling out the form, while on a train going at half the speed of light, would your taxes be less?

montyb on 2015-12-27 22:07:00
No, but you could stretch out the time to complete it and still have it done before April 15th.

04-08-2016, 06:20 PM
"Nothing in all the world is so nonsensical and contradictory, save mortals, that is, who live in the grip of the superstitions of the past."
— Anne Rice

montyb on 2012-07-31 01:20:17
Baloney! This is the 21st century; the age of reason and rationality. Ooh, full moon tomorrow. AARROOOOOOOO!

04-08-2016, 10:22 PM
"If all men knew what others say of them, there would not be four friends in the world." — Blaise Pascal

nothing on 2015-01-08 00:00:38
We reject ourselves and others, because it is hard to accept our human limitations.

killdozer on 2016-01-29 08:34:08
I've got to tell this one to my buddy, Ernie, that drunken slob.

04-08-2016, 10:29 PM
"There is no passion like that of a functionary for his function." — Georges Clemenceau

abra on 2015-05-31 08:28:40
Oh, I do love a functionary, when he's busy functioning.

04-08-2016, 10:32 PM
"Anxiety and distress, interrupted occasionally by pleasure, is the normal course of man's existence." — Joseph Wood Krutch

montyb on 2013-02-24 19:17:33
He must have been a golfer.

04-09-2016, 02:18 AM
"Almost the whole of history is but a sequence of horrors."
— Nicolas Chamfort

WRQ9 on 2012-07-08 06:32:19
What do you want, a judiciously edited chronicle of birthday parties?

montyb on 2013-04-07 23:41:25

04-09-2016, 02:22 AM
"To know is to know that you know nothing. That is the meaning of true knowledge. "
— Confucius

silveryaspen on 2009-04-04 19:41:05
Oh, Know!

bansaisequoia on 2009-06-12 22:25:19
Yoko Ohno?

PianoManGidley on 2011-02-01 02:35:00
I know what he means, by which I mean that I don't.

BuschMan on 2012-03-30 21:22:15
Never heard of this guy. Is he some obscure blogger?

chopstix on 2012-11-29 04:13:06
BuschMan - haha! btw - I don't know...

maradnu on 2013-09-13 08:51:03
Don't I know it

joma1944 on 2013-10-20 06:18:00
Who knows?

Highpoint on 2014-06-24 20:24:00
I didn't know that.

puzzleme on 2015-02-12 13:41:53
It's all so Confucing!

wvwoman on 2015-05-20 19:06:34
i don't think i've ever seen someone described as a thinker!

abra on 2015-07-23 10:12:11
PianoMan, LOL. I'm not sure if this makes me feel more knowledgeable, or less.

04-09-2016, 02:43 AM
"What is a big shot except a little shot that kept on shooting. "
— Proverb

msswitch on 2014-06-03 09:56:32
Question mark???

msswitch on 2014-08-20 06:05:04
still no ?

abra on 2016-01-07 10:33:36
Really, glad that turned out to be "little shot".

04-09-2016, 11:45 AM
"If a man has ten good qualities and one bad one, look at the ten and forget the one, and if a man has ten bad qualities and one good one, look at the one and forget the ten."
— Abdul Baha

LLapp on 2015-03-27 18:16:20
If he's an arsonist and a great dresser, I'm sorry, but it's the arson that gets my attention.

04-09-2016, 01:58 PM
"Conscience is the internal perception of the rejection of a particular wish operating within us. "
— Sigmund Freud

chopstix on 2013-05-03 18:11:42
say that three times fast!

montyb on 2014-09-15 14:49:56
That, that, that.

LLapp on 2014-10-30 12:14:47
Poor Sigmund would never have been successful in this age of sound bites.

04-09-2016, 02:23 PM
"How many people make themselves abstract to appear profound. The most useful part of abstract terms are the shadows they create to hide a vacuum. "
— Joseph Joubert

saipanwriter on 2012-05-22 23:58:28
Can there be shadows in a vacuum?

Lurker on 2012-10-16 21:24:39
Sure, if there's light. Just no echoes.

jeanering on 2013-01-11 03:00:14
they are full of hot air...

momn8r on 2013-06-25 03:24:55
And they will make your blood boil...

montyb on 2013-09-10 14:26:49
Shadows hiding a vacuum is pretty darned abstract.

SolarFlare on 2014-02-20 14:43:12
How many people fail to see the play of creativity underlying the expression of abstraction because they feel intimidated by it?

ericthirdrow on 2014-09-24 07:18:19
I picture massive cardboard cutouts of "abstract terms" casting a shadow that's conveniently hiding a Dyson vacuum cleaner.

BrainCellKeeper on 2014-11-11 14:18:23
How many people read this quote and feel confused because they don't understand what it means?

LLapp on 2015-05-20 17:08:38
ericthirdrow - you made me laugh out loud.

abra on 2015-09-30 13:22:23
I think the answer to the first sentence is many. ericthirdrow (who's name makes me smile) has covered the second sentence. He cut right through all that abstract profundity.

04-09-2016, 09:15 PM
"It is better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness. "
— Confucius

maradnu on 2009-06-26 01:35:51
But it is more fun to curse.

fredsevent on 2012-04-18 04:53:39
Why not do both?

kb83 on 2014-07-02 09:42:59
Or at least curse the candle if you get burned in the process.

montyb on 2014-07-04 15:22:08

Annamariah on 2014-09-14 18:48:26
"It's hard to light a candle, easy to curse the dark instead" Nightwish - Last Ride of the Day

dovid1946 on 2015-01-16 15:24:15
didn't i find this quote in my fortune cookie the other day

mtvoyager on 2015-02-27 12:02:18
38 seconds.

oddcouple on 2015-08-13 16:30:01
Are we sure this was Confucius?

loki on 2015-10-04 09:39:12
Thought this was Emily Dickinson. Time to Google.

04-09-2016, 11:21 PM
"The high minded man must care more for the truth than for what people think." — Aristotle

kjmcaj on 2013-03-25 19:39:41

LLapp on 2016-03-25 20:44:02
I agree with kjmcaj.

marnita on 2016-04-04 12:58:30
I don't care what either of you think.

04-10-2016, 04:51 AM
"There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person."
— Dan Greenberg

Yelircrypto on 2012-10-15 14:43:13
So True!

jobdevaa on 2013-07-31 17:07:13
As a cat owner I totally agree

tjsrc on 2015-02-27 16:38:00

LizardLeap on 2015-11-30 07:05:23
I have had the unfortunate experience of hearing myself talk about my cat...it...sounded...crazy....

04-10-2016, 06:38 AM
"Do not smoke without asking permission or sit so near (as in a train) that the smoke might annoy."
— Amy Vanderbilt

montyb on 2012-07-06 20:01:23
What if you're on fire?

04-10-2016, 10:01 PM
"A great many people think that polysyllables are a sign of intelligence."
— Barbara Walters

montyb on 2012-05-18 00:07:28
Preposterous! Absolute blatherskite!

locodad on 2012-12-24 13:41:53
I don't think they are , because I don't what that means, so maybe they are right maybe I am not a polysyllable person. By the way, can you say polysyllable ten times without making a mistake/

nehiyawiskwewniya on 2013-06-02 16:31:13
Only in her world!

nanrich on 2013-06-21 23:50:40

Allen on 2014-06-19 04:37:34
Polly Syllables--who’ll ever forget her?

jbb33054 on 2015-04-22 08:27:00
polysyllable is a polysyllable!

abra on 2015-07-26 10:19:32
Actualy, this time I agree with Babs. It must have been some night, Allen. :)

04-10-2016, 10:05 PM
"The master's eye is the best fertilizer. "
— Pliny the Elder

sputnick on 2013-07-25 19:29:30
Seems like I've been using the wrong part of the cow for my garden...

maradnu on 2013-12-13 08:48:57
Sounds like a load of fertilizer to me.

beerfan95 on 2014-02-17 12:38:35
It took me longer to figure out "master's" then it took me to figure out "fertilizer"

universalmom on 2014-07-10 11:27:58
hard again…..

abra on 2014-08-01 10:55:31
I had Oyster's eye, do they even have eyes? Once I changed it to MASTER's it became easier. Still took 200 seconds. Only 192 more than the record.

universalmom on 2014-08-23 04:17:11
Haha abra, oyster's eye - that was my giggle for the day!

LLapp on 2015-03-25 16:25:26
This quote is gruesome! I say let the garden go and spare the master's eyeball.

fishbum on 2015-06-16 09:06:00
Consider he is not talking about a garden.

04-11-2016, 09:02 AM
Really, really, great comment. I've laughed over it more than once.

Thanks, that really made my day! :)

04-11-2016, 11:21 AM
"The art of living easily as to money is to pitch your scale of living one degree below your means." — Sir Henry Taylor


montyb on 2014-08-06 14:13:12
For example, you don't really need razor blades!

04-11-2016, 01:18 PM
"Don't live in a town where there are no doctors."
— Jewish Proverb

bazinga on 2012-01-22 13:05:51
And don't die in a town where there are no morticians.

montyb on 2012-03-01 12:13:27
And don't grow hair in a town where there are no barbers.

bansaisequoia on 2012-10-02 14:28:12
And don't be undead in a ghost town where there are no metaphysicians.

Carrot on 2013-02-02 05:46:39
And, don't get sick on the high holy days.

montyb on 2013-07-07 02:26:19
And don't give up the holy sick days in contract negotiations.

GtrZan on 2013-10-31 10:05:51
...and don't be a doctor in a town where no one lives!

Prezkot on 2014-02-24 08:19:17
Don't live in a town where there are no village idiots. Lest you become one.

GtrZan on 2014-11-04 08:07:40
And don't live in a town that would have you as a resident

dovid1946 on 2015-02-04 08:07:26
and don';t live in a town without pity

LLapp on 2015-03-21 18:31:35
And don't raise a child in a country with no medical schools.

04-11-2016, 02:28 PM
Abra, the comments on this quote are the funniest I've seen so far! :D
Thanks, everyone, for so many laughs.

04-11-2016, 05:34 PM
I had a crypto that elicited a rather sad response from JD_1947 about how he had outlived all his friends and relatives. I commented that I was glad he was living a long life, and I hoped he wasn't too lonely. The very next quote had this in the comment section:

JD_1947 on 2014-11-25 12:53:23
. . I always look forward to tomorrow . .

Almost like reassurance! Isn't that kind of beautiful?

04-11-2016, 05:43 PM
I had a crypto that elicited a rather sad response from JD_1947 about how he had outlived all his friends and relatives. I commented that I was glad he was living a long life, and I hoped he wasn't too lonely. The very next quote had this in the comment section:

JD_1947 on 2014-11-25 12:53:23
. . I always look forward to tomorrow . .

Almost like reassurance! Isn't that kind of beautiful?

That is beautiful, umom. Thank you so much for posting that.

This reminds me of what happened on my screen soon after I started this Forum thread. I had opened late at night with some vintage silliness from Pootie (http://www.cryptograms.org/forum/showpost.php?p=6957&postcount=2) as the first "classic comment." The next afternoon, I checked in and saw that people over in the chat box liked seeing Pootie's humor in the first entry, which made me happy. Then I clicked on "Play" . . . and one of the first puzzles that came up was some famous saying (I forget which) with a solution page that had just one short comment: it was Pootie, saying "Classic quote!"

Okay, maybe you had to be there, but for me, it was magic. Given her choice of word and the particular moment it popped up on my screen, it felt like Pootie was chiming in just to say hello and give a thumbs-up to the new game. I never even knew her, but I've read that she always welcomed new players to the fold.

04-12-2016, 03:32 AM
"The nail that sticks out gets pounded. "
— Unattributed

skeeter on 2015-09-18 15:02:24
And the nail that drinks too much gets hammered.

04-12-2016, 10:50 AM
Wow, we really could use a "LIKE" button.

04-14-2016, 11:07 AM
"The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Dan Quayle may or may not make."
— Dan Quayle

kat on 2010-02-17 16:14:46
Does Dan always speak of Dan in the third person?

bansaisequoia on 2010-03-25 21:23:33
Your question has perplexed bansaisequoia. bansaisequoia does not know.

04-14-2016, 08:31 PM
"Beauty is everywhere a welcome guest. "
— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

bansaisequoia on 2013-07-03 22:09:51
For sure. I met her at a rave at Beast's castle.

04-15-2016, 04:41 AM
"The fact is always obvious much too late, but the most singular difference between happiness and joy is that happiness is a solid and joy a liquid."
— J. D. Salinger

bansaisequoia on 2012-02-06 07:06:38

vivian1874 on 2012-10-21 15:59:34
I love this author!

abra on 2013-09-04 09:41:17
I was going to say "dishwashing liquid", but bansai took care of that a long time ago.

JenDiaz72 on 2015-06-01 13:26:54
Joy is liquid... just like Jack Daniels.

JJ20paws on 2015-08-07 18:25:29
Champagne makes me joyful

marnita on 2016-03-28 03:49:44
I'll drink to that.

04-15-2016, 01:47 PM
"Laughter is a tranquilizer with no side effects."
— Arnold Glasgow

bansaisequoia on 2012-02-04 15:52:57
If hiccoughing persists for four hours after taking Laughter, please seek immediate medical help. Patients who are taking nitrous oxide should not use Laughter. If you are taking nitrous oxide, please consult your physician.

puzzleme on 2013-05-18 01:16:04
Excellent, bansai. I can't wait to get me some of that Laughter.

montyb on 2014-08-06 11:23:42
I thought Laughter was over-the-counter.

JenDiaz72 on 2015-01-02 10:26:12
Lower MG of laughter you can get... but sometimes it doesn't work as well....

montyb on 2015-04-18 14:56:19
I split my sides laughing. Is that a side effect?

04-15-2016, 08:52 PM
"Total absence of humor renders life impossible." — Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

chopstix on 2014-05-21 16:03:38
I don't find that funny at all.

04-15-2016, 08:54 PM
"It does not matter what the whip is; it is none the less a whip, because you have cut thongs for it out of your own souls. "
— John Ruskin

golfdiva on 2012-06-20 01:44:00

bazinga on 2012-11-21 14:13:20
Whips and thongs- sounds kinky...

montyb on 2013-10-15 04:26:06
Thong: a strip especially of leather or hide.

Lurker on 2013-12-14 13:01:05
I'm gonna hope this was about slavery.

skoogie2 on 2014-02-15 09:35:34
It is our hope, Lurker..

Quizzical on 2014-09-06 07:29:28
Maybe he was going to make sandals out of the soles of his feet and was a poor speller. Kind of pointless.

LLapp on 2015-01-09 16:44:00
From Ruskin's brief phase of competing in poetry slams at East End strip clubs.

abra on 2015-06-25 12:23:24
I tried WHIMS, it didn't work :) .

04-16-2016, 04:25 AM
It's the early bird that gets the worm. "
— Unattributed

Barnabas on 2012-02-03 19:46:58
Yes, but with bacon, eggs, pancakes, waffles, and the like... why would anyone want a worm?

locodad on 2012-02-13 03:00:35
They say they are low in calories and not much fat.

wvwoman on 2012-07-22 21:49:38
well, there's that.

iltquilt on 2012-09-03 13:00:06
Count me in on the "non-worm" breakfast. You cooking Barnabas?

puzzleme on 2013-04-29 08:02:28
It's also the early bird that gets the work.

montyb on 2013-07-23 19:53:15
So sleep late and you won't get worms.

figmo on 2013-07-25 16:43:20
My parents used to say that to me. It inspired me to sleep late.

sunseenli on 2014-02-27 03:38:10
Just goes to show the worm should have stayed in bed.

Barnabas on 2014-04-10 14:32:20
My pancakes are second to none, Iltquilt! And my omelets are pretty good, too.

trailcook on 2014-04-15 03:18:31
But it's the late mouse that gets the cheese!

wvwoman on 2014-05-16 17:22:46
dang, an omelet sounds really good right now!

universalmom on 2014-05-24 15:28:01
hunger…late night hunger…damn you Barnabas!

slow1 on 2015-03-24 10:59:05
Montyb, YOU are clever AND WITTY!

04-16-2016, 04:35 AM
"Science is not a sacred cow. Science is a horse. Don't worship it. Feed it."
— Aubrey Eben

universalmom on 2012-04-11 18:32:52
What, you wouldn't feed a cow?

Queethebean on 2012-05-21 22:08:41
Maybe they only eat worship.

cindidido on 2014-03-27 10:23:03
Or ride it wildly across the landscape shouting YEE-HAW!

ekarnowski on 2014-10-11 11:51:15
It says SACRED cow. Don't be obtuse.

SippyGurl on 2015-09-25 01:58:39
i am too obtuse to understand what ekamowski is saying... i hope it's a funny

04-16-2016, 04:37 AM
"I hate women because they always know where things are."
— James Thurber

opallady on 2009-11-07 00:47:21
Ah, he's just jealous.

kat on 2010-01-17 18:37:03
Probably lost his keys one too many times.

matarisa on 2011-06-04 01:47:43
Socks, cellphone....

xayide on 2015-02-11 10:05:54
The uterus is a homing device.

04-16-2016, 12:25 PM
"The noblest search is the search for excellence." — Lyndon B. Johnson

chopstix on 2012-12-24 02:50:30
I'm gonna start calling my house key Excellence.

JD_1947 on 2014-12-19 05:55:29
. . where did I put my excellent cell phone . . . .

04-16-2016, 12:27 PM
"The world is full of fools; and he who would not wish to see one, must not only shut himself up alone, but must also break his looking-glass." — Boileau

tskaggs6 on 2014-11-06 14:47:54
Yahoooo! Last place and I didn't have to cheat by going out to get the mail or anything.

04-16-2016, 12:58 PM
"In the final analysis, style is art. And art is nothing more or less than various modes of stylized, dehumanized representation. "
— Susan Sontag

babs on 2010-02-26 16:45:56
Hmmm...stylized, yes--but dehumanized? Not if that means lacking meaning relevant to the human experience and condition.

MoreMadMunch on 2010-03-11 19:55:13
Susan Sontag is a cynic. By definition, art or any representation stands at one or more removes from life and direct experience. Yet (also by definition) art serves to enhance life by calling forth from within a profound human response.

pootie49 on 2011-05-06 03:44:14
Susan had every right to be cynical. I dont think however in this context she was. I believe she was making a commentary on modern art. Which if closely viewed is at times extremely dehumanizing.

universalmom on 2012-04-18 00:21:35
How do you earn the right to be cynical?

lainie18 on 2012-09-22 01:33:56
I think she missed something about the best art.

msswitch on 2014-09-26 09:53:19
All one must do to earn the right be cynical is to pay attention. I think this is especially true when considering the connection between art in its broadest sense and commerce. As a general rule, our society regards and rewards the entertainer rather than those who seek and meaning via artistic endeavors.

LLapp on 2015-02-16 19:31:31
Such astute comments! So glad I stumbled into this room.

ronasid on 2015-10-02 18:13:55
I'm glad I solved this if only for the comments :)

tgreen517 on 2016-01-24 18:58:11
Yes, the best part is the comments. I think anyone can be cynical if they want to be, though. No need to earn the right. Its not like you could stop them.

04-16-2016, 01:10 PM
"He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes - he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever."
— Chinese Proverb

Barnabas on 2012-05-01 19:14:44
It can be an awfully long five minutes though.

montyb on 2013-05-14 22:03:11
Is this really true? (I'll let you know in 5 minutes.)

montyb on 2014-01-18 11:36:35
Nope. (Sorry about the delay.)

dovid1946 on 2015-05-07 12:12:44
some 5 minute delay monty, that was more like 8 months. good thing I didnt hold my breath

04-16-2016, 01:33 PM
"You have a wonderful child. Then, when he's thirteen, gremlins carry him away and leave in his place a stranger who gives you not a moment's peace."
— Jill Eikenberry

pootie49 on 2011-07-14 15:22:58
Please tell me this is a line from a movie??

afulton on 2012-01-25 14:35:20
I think it's a know fact for teenage daughters.

Lily H on 2013-02-02 23:44:05
Then some day those daughters grow up and have families of their own, and the cycle repeats itself. It's called paybacks. LOL!

figmo on 2013-07-16 16:35:06
You mean teenaged *boys* (note the use of "him" to refer to the child and not "her").

abra on 2014-11-30 09:19:47
The gremlins never really kept my son. Apparently, they tried to coax him over to the dark side. He gave us a few rough days, but mostly he was a loving and amazing teenager.

JD_1947 on 2014-12-07 12:36:17
. . I told my son about the gremlins . . . scared him so bad he didn't move out 'til he was 28 . . . .

montyb on 2015-05-02 10:25:00
Wait.....we're supposed to move out?

04-17-2016, 02:20 PM
"He who knows little knows enough if he knows how to hold his tongue. "
— Proverb

fredsevent on 2012-01-28 17:11:28
Holding my tongue always leaves a salty tang in my mouth and a sticky feeling on my fingers.

universalmom on 2014-01-20 10:16:02
Looks pretty humorous too :)

tgreen517 on 2014-09-20 08:32:17
in real life though he who knows littlest seams to speak the most!

LLapp on 2014-11-15 16:28:51
Dedder to wemain thiwent and be thot a hool thed do thbeek oup and leeboove aw dowp.

04-17-2016, 03:00 PM
These made me laugh, especially kb83.

"Be on your toes every minute if you expect to make good."
— Jack Trice

chopstix on 2013-07-29 16:44:00
be on your toes every minute if you're walking on eggshells

puzzleme on 2013-10-02 18:26:57
Be on your toes every minute if you're very short.

LLapp on 2014-11-13 10:19:47
Make good what?

Barnabas on 2015-01-23 19:09:47

dovid1946 on 2015-02-06 02:53:33
be on your toes every minutes and in a short while you will get a cramp

kb83 on 2015-11-02 05:09:21
Is this the guy who was nimble and quick?

04-19-2016, 07:02 PM
"One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball."
— Don Carter

dovid1946 on 2015-05-22 08:58:39
There have been an abundance of golf quotes on this site , as well as a plethora of quotes about fishing. I hope this will be the first and last of the bowling quotes.

kb83 on 2015-11-16 07:42:14
Yes, please spare us by striking them.

04-19-2016, 11:13 PM
"A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists." — Don Marquis

montyb on 2014-08-10 13:37:32
Have a nice day, Don. :D

04-19-2016, 11:15 PM
"A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip." — Caskie Stinnett

Lily H on 2011-05-12 01:47:52
How is it diplomatic to tell someone to go to hell?

punga on 2011-08-20 06:29:43
"We had a frank and useful exchange of views and will consider the issue carefully going forward, as appropriate."

montyb on 2015-12-19 03:00:57
"May you enjoy the warmer climes of your destination."

04-20-2016, 04:01 AM
"The world loves a spice of wickedness. "
— Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

bansaisequoia on 2012-04-05 02:51:58
It's on my rack between turmeric and cumin.

montyb on 2012-05-31 19:49:05
As if we need more proof, JR Ewing is making a come back.

puzzleme on 2014-10-09 18:56:23
Bansai, I'm shocked that your spices are not in alpha order.

Beagle on 2015-03-05 09:57:31
I liked my "slice of wickedness" better. And by the way, my spices ARE in alphabetical order!

judy100 on 2015-07-26 05:02:32
The rampage of TV gossip show$

04-20-2016, 11:47 AM
I searched online for each line of kb83's verse and came up with nothing, so I assume it's an original. Brilliant!!

"Reach for the stars, even if you have to stand on a cactus." — Susan Longacre

kb83 on 2015-10-07 04:24:12
I tried to jump over a cactus/ My quadruceps needed the practus./ I'd no cause to fear it/ But soon lost my spirit / With my corpus no longer intactus.

04-20-2016, 03:17 PM
"The greatest wastes are unused talents and untried ideas. "
— Unattributed

montyb on 2014-01-18 09:01:47
As a kid I once had an idea about how to catapult my bike across the creek. It is probably best that it was never tried.

BrainCellKeeper on 2014-11-29 15:56:28
37 seconds - montyb, sounds like an episode of Jackass.

jnoodles on 2015-05-29 14:33:01
montyb I'll get my video camera and build the catapult. All you have to do is show up on a bike!

montyb on 2016-01-03 19:05:13
It is so good to have friends.

04-20-2016, 03:24 PM
that was a great one, aerie--thanks for posting!

04-20-2016, 03:41 PM
Thank you for saying so, wvwoman.
My favorite part of solving a cryptogram is getting to see what other solvers said. I'm new to this site, but have already laughed myself silly. I left a few comments myself, but I think they might have been deleted when the computer system wiped out the scores. It definitely deleted the forum posts that were made when I first joined.

04-20-2016, 06:45 PM
"With an eye made quiet by the power of harmony, and the deep power of joy, we see into the life of things. "
— William Wordsworth

matarisa on 2012-10-10 02:00:13
"An eye made quiet"....?

Quizzical on 2014-02-15 15:15:57
Yes, by the power of hominy. It's hard to see or talk through a pile of grits on your face.

zeldamar on 2014-04-21 06:23:28
Quizzical, you made me laugh.

wvwoman on 2014-04-22 00:07:43
yes, matarisa, you know--those noisy eyes?!

04-21-2016, 04:34 AM
"When a flirt fishes for a man, she fishes merely for the sport. "
— Unattributed

montyb on 2012-07-06 22:43:13
Catch and release; ecologically sound.

cindidido on 2013-04-11 15:04:42
And the rest of us fish until we find a keeper.

abra on 2014-11-12 06:09:14
That one was REALLY hard for me.

QuexUl on 2015-04-07 02:36:51
"Merely for the sport"? HAH! They will also skin the fish, fry the fillets in a hot pan, and eat them while the remains lie gasping on the ground. Er, so I hear...

04-21-2016, 05:42 AM
"Remember the tea kettle - it is always up to its neck in hot water, yet it still sings!"
— Unattributed

chopstix on 2013-02-17 03:55:30
that's not singing, that's a cry for help!

momof7 on 2013-03-17 07:23:24
It's whistling. "Whenever I'm afraid, I whistle a happy tune..."

Lurker on 2013-07-08 23:23:01
I thought it was singing "I'm a little teapot..."

skoogie2 on 2013-07-14 22:29:22
It's kind of a mournful screech now that I think about it...

montyb on 2014-02-21 15:49:49
Mine screams.

wvwoman on 2015-01-15 17:17:30
mine sounds like a harmonica chord.

tjsrc on 2015-04-14 18:37:02
Mine's electric and has a blue LED light in it. It doesn't "sing" nor whistle.

JenDiaz72 on 2015-12-02 13:51:47
" I'm a little tea pot short and stout..."

04-21-2016, 08:58 AM
Annamaria, this made me wonder if you know the Little Teapot Song. Do children in Finland sing it?

04-21-2016, 10:20 PM
No, I listened to the song on YouTube, but I don't know it from my childhood. There are Finnish versions of Itsy Bitsy Spider and Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, though.

04-22-2016, 04:31 AM
Simplicity in character, in manners, in style; in all things the supreme excellence is simplicity. "
— Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Well! That was simple!

marnita on 2014-06-17 14:11:32

JD_1947 on 2014-12-07 10:27:31
. . sounds just a tad bit simplistic for me . . . 83 seconds

maradnu on 2015-01-30 06:53:28
That's too complicated

mazereeuw on 2015-02-04 11:24:20
There seems to have been a time in the 1800's when "simplicity" was a concept tied closely to morality.

JenDiaz72 on 2015-05-15 08:15:57

tgreen517 on 2015-10-28 17:44:05
Okay- but sometimes its complicated.

04-22-2016, 10:02 PM
"At the end of the day, a loving family should find everything forgivable."
— Mark V. Olsen and Will Sheffer

saipanwriter on 2015-01-03 23:31:08
I always wonder how a quote can have two authors...

montyb on 2015-12-24 15:30:26
One for consonants, one for vowels.

04-22-2016, 11:53 PM
"I would be loath to speak ill of any person who I do not know deserves it, but I am afraid he is an attorney. "
— Samuel Johnson

maradnu on 2009-04-11 17:01:02
Anyone for lawyer jokes?

opallady on 2010-12-16 20:57:09
Why don't sharks bit lawyers when they go swimming? Professional courtesy.

reader4 on 2011-09-22 17:30:25
What do you call ten million lawyers buried head-down up to their waists on the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

marnita on 2014-10-01 17:46:35
What is the difference between a dead snake in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? The snake has skid marks in front of it.

kb83 on 2015-07-15 03:57:11
Does me mean that, knowing he is an attorney, he knows he deserves it, or that he is loath to speak ill, knowing he might be an attorney?

IvyChilde on 2015-07-15 05:27:46
Why do they bury lawyers 12 feet under? Because deep down, they're really nice people.

Taxnerd on 2016-04-20 13:23:08
What is the difference between an accountant and an attorney? The accountant knows he's boring.

04-22-2016, 11:55 PM
"The greatest motivational act one person can do for another is to listen."
— Roy E. Moody

a little bit on 2013-01-03 21:11:35
maybe thats why not very many people get motivated!!- because no one really listens!! Their more worried about talking

Allen on 2013-07-28 15:47:44
Sorry, what was that again?

04-23-2016, 12:14 AM
"Most affections are habits or duties we lack the courage to end."
— Henri de Montherlant

WRQ9 on 2012-03-12 16:03:28
Nice guy, eh?

abra on 2014-02-01 08:29:38
Wow! So glad he's not in my family.

montyb on 2014-02-17 12:12:37
Tell me about it. I have to invite him for Christmas every year.

JenDiaz72 on 2014-09-24 06:28:35
LOL Montyb

04-23-2016, 12:16 AM
The moon is a friend for the lonesome to talk to."
— Carl Sandburg

Barnabas on 2011-05-12 17:45:11
Neil Armstrong had an up-close and personal interview with it.

skoogie2 on 2013-08-16 01:58:47
I really like this image.

debzhaus on 2016-04-06 10:48:10
Buzz Aldrin: I'm sorry if I've disappointed you. Would you like to yell at the moon with Buzz Aldrin? Liz: Yes, please. Buzz Aldrin: I own you! Liz: You dumb moon! Buzz Aldrin: I walked on your face! Liz: Don't you know it's day? Idiot!

04-23-2016, 01:14 AM
The moon is a friend for the lonesome to talk to."
— Carl Sandburg

Barnabas on 2011-05-12 17:45:11
Neil Armstrong had an up-close and personal interview with it.

skoogie2 on 2013-08-16 01:58:47
I really like this image.

debzhaus on 2016-04-06 10:48:10
Buzz Aldrin: I'm sorry if I've disappointed you. Would you like to yell at the moon with Buzz Aldrin? Liz: Yes, please. Buzz Aldrin: I own you! Liz: You dumb moon! Buzz Aldrin: I walked on your face! Liz: Don't you know it's day? Idiot!

Whoa . . . I've never seen this one, and I have no idea what the Buzz Aldrin thing is about. Can anyone help me? Is it explainable?

04-23-2016, 05:07 AM
"Man only likes to count his troubles, but he does not count his joys. "
— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Barnabas on 2015-08-03 10:06:54
My first wife was Joy Jones, and she was the most emasculating creature that ever walked the earth. My second wife was Joy Smith. All she knew how to do was spend money. Then there was Joy Wilson. Don't even get me started on her...

04-23-2016, 06:21 AM
Llapp. Buzz Aldrin walked on the moon. Literally. He was second after Neil Armstrong's famous step.

04-23-2016, 07:43 AM
"Everybody needs his memories. They keep the wolf of insignificance from the door."
— Saul Bellow

Barnabas on 2015-06-10 08:55:01
If a wolf came to my door, I'd kind of hope that it actually is the "wolf of insignificance." Not much of a howl, probably has bad teeth, lame legs. I'd give him a doggie treat, a pat on the head, and send him on his way.

04-23-2016, 07:49 AM
"Where ambition ends happiness begins. "
— Unattributed

LLapp on 2015-02-10 19:06:27
Nice slogan for retirement.

dovid1946 on 2015-02-27 03:31:02
Macbeth had it all- Thane of Cawdor, King- but was he happy? NO

LLapp on 2015-09-01 09:46:25
david, that may be the most succinct essay on Macbeth I've ever seen.

04-23-2016, 09:54 AM
"Nature is God's greatest evangelist."
— Jonathan Edwards

mumu on 2012-04-23 15:56:25
I can forgive him, since he was living in the pre-Darwin era.

debzhaus on 2012-09-13 02:39:32
That's big of you.

locodad on 2013-03-09 20:58:06
I wonder who created darwin? Even though looked like a monkey God created him, without insulting the monkeys that God created

chopstix on 2013-09-07 13:41:08
From what I've gathered, Darwin's mother and father created him. p.s. I rather like this quote.

Roxanne on 2015-12-05 07:51:47
Few people know that Darwin's favorite meal was a pile of ants that his mother had poked out of their nest using a stick as a rudimentary tool.

04-23-2016, 10:11 AM
"I suffer more from the humiliations inflicted by my country than from those inflicted on her. "
— Simone Weil

dovid1946 on 2015-02-24 10:12:33
she needs a makeover. aren't there any better pictures of her around? if not, this one should be deleted.

tjsrc on 2015-03-27 02:23:50
There are better pictures! Where she looks quite pretty actually. Why use this one where she looks like a crazy cat lady, I don't know.

marnita on 2016-01-03 06:34:26
Speaking as a crazy cat lady, I resent that comment.

04-23-2016, 10:15 AM
"Compassion for myself is the most powerful healer of them all." -Theodore Isaac Rubin

a little bit on 2013-01-01 02:33:01
The hardest person to show compassion to is your self!!

montyb on 2013-08-18 12:29:00
What! I was 2 seconds below average? What a worthless piece of moronity I am!

montyb on 2014-02-07 04:19:26
Now 34 seconds below average! I have sunk even lower.

JD_1947 on 2014-11-25 16:01:45
. . love of thyself is the hardest . . . I believe . . .

wvwoman on 2015-10-04 18:50:21
moronity--i love it!!

04-23-2016, 01:32 PM
"The universal and lasting establishment of peace constitutes not merely a part, but the whole final purpose and end of the science of right as viewed within the limits of reason."
— Immanuel Kant

abra on 2013-06-12 00:42:21
I just got this one twice in a row.

LLapp on 2014-09-05 18:08:20
So much for the limits of reason.

ruxpin66 on 2015-06-23 12:01:16
Now that I deciphered it, I need to decipher it.

LLapp on 2016-01-08 17:25:11
ruxpin, thanks for the guffaw!

04-23-2016, 08:43 PM
"We are not put on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through. " — Unattributed

This Cryptogram's Statistics
Success Rate: 43%
Average Time: 76 seconds
Record Time: 8 seconds (bansaisequoia)

kat on 2009-02-21 18:33:26
15 seconds for the record

bansaisequoia on 2009-03-20 20:05:32
But smashed by debzhaus. D'oh!

abra on 2015-02-26 09:15:04
And then...

skeeter on 2015-11-13 14:01:07
. . . and then he breaks away for a full-court press; he does a cross-over dribble, a behind-the-back, a spin move, and then he's up, he's up, and . . . he scores! Bansai lands an 8-pointer!

abra on 2015-11-16 16:30:20
Well, of course he did.

04-23-2016, 08:47 PM
"The less we deserve good fortune, the more we hope for it. "
— Moliere

montyb on 2014-05-29 11:57:04
Horse hockey! I deserve that lottery jackpot!

skoogie2 on 2014-09-24 01:49:31
Oh my gosh, montyb, I was thinking that exact thing as I clicked the solve button!

montyb on 2014-12-11 15:18:02
Great minds run in the same gutter don't they, Skoogie? :)

04-24-2016, 04:37 AM
"You cannot teach beginners top-down programming, because they don't know which end is up."
— C.A.R. Hoare

oddcouple on 2014-11-07 06:10:45
You can't even teach me bottom up.

dovid1946 on 2014-12-22 08:27:36
Does C.A.R. Hoare run a number of programming schools? and are they called Hoare Houses?

04-24-2016, 07:41 PM
"I am always with myself and it is I who am my tormentor. "
— Leo Tolstoy

Allen on 2013-08-30 11:39:28
Mom! I keep picking on me!

skoogie2 on 2014-03-05 09:23:43
Make me stop! haha, Allen, that is too funny!

04-24-2016, 09:33 PM
"The test of real literature is that it will bear repetition. We read over the same pages again and again, and always with fresh delight."
— Samual McChord Crothers

chopstix on 2013-10-22 07:50:18
you can say that again!

macmilh on 2014-04-29 10:19:51
OK, chopstix "The test of real literature is that it will bear repetition. We read over the same pages again and again, and always with fresh delight."

fishbum on 2015-05-07 06:32:35
macmilh got right twice.

LLapp on 2016-03-15 19:27:28
"The test of real literature is that it will bear . . . " nah, the thrill is gone.

04-25-2016, 09:25 AM
"It takes a good deal of physical courage to ride a horse. This, however, I have. I get it at about forty cents a flask, and take it as required."
— Stephen Leacock

opallady on 2013-04-04 20:33:37
Wimp. I've known little kids who rode totally sober.

04-25-2016, 01:12 PM
"Poetry comes nearer to vital truth than history. "
— Plato

WRQ9 on 2014-01-07 05:58:50
Not all poetry!

abra on 2015-04-30 11:55:46
Probably none that contains the word "Nantucket".

04-26-2016, 03:47 AM
"It is most difficult, in my mind, to separate any success, whether it be in your profession, your family, or as in my case, in basketball, from religion. "
— John Wooden

bansaisequoia on 2009-05-23 18:21:22
I view the First Amendment to the US Constitution as creating "a wall of seperation" between church and basketball. Of course, I'm not a Supreme Court Justice.

kjmcaj on 2013-06-11 16:26:10
49 seconds. Thank God......oops !!!

kb83 on 2014-05-18 09:47:45
There are no atheists in sudden death overtimes.

abra on 2015-01-30 11:08:42
When I solved the quote, I thought the comments would be much more heated. These made me smile.

pegxpeg on 2016-04-12 13:05:05
I just came here for the comments.

04-26-2016, 04:01 AM
"If I advance, follow me! If I retreat, kill me! If I die, avenge me! "
— Francois de la Rochefoucauld

Barnabas on 2012-02-29 04:46:31
If I put my left foot in... put your left foot in. If I shake it all about... shake it all about.

kb83 on 2014-03-31 04:37:04
(...avenge me-- Unless, of course, I die because you killed me retreating.)

QuexUl on 2015-02-06 15:51:10
If I get one of these done faster than 196 seconds, cheer me!

04-26-2016, 12:56 PM
"But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder." — Homer Simpson

gavinl on 2015-11-26 11:42:17
Hell Director: Hello, newcomers and welcome. Can everybody hear me? Hello? [taps microphone]
Hell Director: Can everybody... ok. Um, I am the Hell Director. Uh, it looks like we have 8,615 of you newbies today. And for those of you who were little confused: uh, you are dead; and this is Hell. So abbandon all hope and yadda-yadda-yadda. Uh, we are now going to start the orientation PROcess which will last about...
Protestant: Hey, wait a minute. I shouldn't be here, I was a totally strick and devout Protestant. I thought we went to heaven.
Hell Director: Yes, well, I'm afraid you are wrong.
Soldier: I was a practicing Jehovah's Witness.
Hell Director: Uh, you picked the wrong religion as well.
Man from Crowd: Well who was right? Who gets in to Heaven?
Hell Director: I'm afraid it was the MORmons. Yes, the MORmons were the correct answer. The Damned: Awwww..

04-26-2016, 01:46 PM
"Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it."
— E. B. White

opallady on 2009-05-31 16:50:29
The frog is supposed to be dead before you start.

bansaisequoia on 2009-09-21 20:08:13
If the frog is alive, it is vivisection, not dissection.

kjmcaj on 2013-05-05 05:26:43
197 seconds.

montyb on 2013-08-10 12:17:19
No frogs were harmed in the above analyses of this humorous quote.

tjsrc on 2013-11-12 12:23:07
The joke, however, was severely damaged and is in critical condition.

SippyGurl on 2014-06-09 04:50:25
lol folks

kb83 on 2014-08-14 04:27:13
I think E. B. White would have been amused by these comments.

montyb on 2014-11-16 08:48:09
Probably, had he dissected them.

LLapp on 2015-04-26 19:35:10
And there would have been a spider web in the lab, spelling out: SOME FROG.

abra on 2015-06-08 09:35:57
If the frogs are euthanized in order to be dissected, doesn't that make Mr. White's statement correct? The frog does die. I hated dissecting that frog. I could have learned as much by looking at pictures, or one of those awful movies, they showed us back then. Many frog lives would have been saved.

marnita on 2015-11-04 11:56:34
I cut class five times and got a D in biology in college to avoid dealing with one of those dead frogs.

LLapp on 2016-02-27 13:47:16
I have a good friend who made headlines back in the late 1980s for designing software that allowed a high school bio student to virtually dissect a frog. The student, like you marnita, was penalized because she refused to dissect the real frog, and she sued the school district and demanded an alternative method. With the software available, the state ruled in her favor.

marnita on 2016-03-04 15:01:02
You have restored my faith in progress, LLapp!

abra on 2016-03-14 12:58:36
I must have missed the SOME FROG comment before. I love it. How appropriate.

04-26-2016, 02:21 PM
"The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows."
— P. G. Wodehouse

bansaisequoia on 2012-03-27 16:28:26
Those butterflies are real party animals. And they're always blasting Heart's "Dog And Butterfly" from the speakers of their tricked out vehicles as they go to keggers and raves. Not to mention Elton John's "Someone Saved My Life Tonight."

vivian1874 on 2012-04-28 04:30:08

montyb on 2012-12-16 21:12:04
I can attest to those loquaciuos lepidopterans. They stay quiet until you complete your back swing. Then they cut loose.

abra on 2014-02-14 09:59:46
Do they really have a fondness for Elton John? I never knew that.

dovid1946 on 2015-01-06 09:30:40
golf- a good walk spoiled- mark twain

Vienna on 2015-08-30 16:10:29
I think golf would be more fun with a little rock and roll

04-26-2016, 06:13 PM
"He who knows all the answers has not yet been asked all the questions. "
— Unattributed

montyb on 2012-07-10 13:19:42
And he who knows all the questions should go on Jeopardy".

momof7 on 2014-07-08 17:02:30
He who has all the answers is probably a teenager.

JD_1947 on 2014-11-11 08:30:27
. . bio - Unattributed was a verb (whatever country that is) and was often found in the company of Nouns (whoever they are) . . .

Unattributed on 2015-06-28 12:09:11
What, me and Nouns? No...why, did Nouns say something about me?

tgreen517 on 2015-08-28 17:46:42
The adjectives described it all!

04-26-2016, 07:43 PM
"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. "
— Oprah Winfrey

bansaisequoia on 2012-07-13 19:35:55
Sure. Oprah takes the bus when her limo breaks down. And I have to pilot the space shuttle when the matter/antimatter reintegrator pods have bollixed up the dilithium crystals on my starship.

montyb on 2012-07-23 21:31:40
You too?!

04-26-2016, 08:28 PM
"If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend."
— Doug Larson

chriscrojam on 2011-10-02 04:33:56
I love this one.

agatha on 2012-02-03 09:59:18
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be April 15th.

sgardzal on 2013-09-01 08:15:47
I got this on labor day weekend 2013!!

Allen on 2014-11-12 07:30:05
Remembering Dorothy Parker as best I can right now: β€œif all the co-eds at the Yale-Harvard game were laid end-to-end, I wouldn’t be a bit surprised.”

abra on 2014-11-20 10:42:55
That IS one of Dorothy Parker's snarkiest and funniest quotes.

04-26-2016, 11:35 PM
"The reason that there are so few women comics is that so few women can bear being laughed at." — Anna Russell

patsy86 on 2011-05-12 04:49:02
Now there are many, but back in the 1950's Anna was a groundbreaker

montyb on 2012-04-11 00:34:40
And her recording "The Ring of the Nibelungs (An Analysis)" is a classic. I laugh my head off every time I hear it.

I've taken the liberty to leave out some of the comments, but only because I went to utube to find out WHY it made Monty laugh!! It's there, in 3 separate parts....and WELL worth the watching, folks! I can't thank Monty enough for making that singular comment. I haven't laughed that much in a long time! Anna was a truly gifted pianist, singer and comic.....I'd go to the opera every night if she was still around!!!
just google " Anna Russell-the ring of the Nebelung (an analysis) 1/3

04-27-2016, 12:31 AM
gryhnd51, I checked the videos of Anna Russell -- she was great!! Her approach reminds me a little of "New Horizon's in Music Appreciation," in which Peter Schickele (PDQ Bach) acts as the baseball-style commentator on a performance of Beethoven's 5th Symphony. It's hilarious and also educational: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f0vHpeUO5mw

04-28-2016, 02:18 AM
"If others have sinned you need not mention it " — Unattributed

montyb on 2012-05-18 22:45:29
Text it. Much more efficient.

04-28-2016, 03:45 AM
"For every fact there is an infinity of hypotheses."
— Robert M. Pirsig

universalmom on 2014-01-20 09:52:25
And there needs to be.

oddcouple on 2015-07-12 08:03:49
Is that a fact or a hypothesis?

04-28-2016, 04:20 AM
"When it comes to exploring the sea of love, I prefer buoys."
— Andrew G. Dehel

redsevent on 2012-06-25 09:15:26
As opposed to what? Gulls?

wvwoman on 2012-06-27 07:44:39
ha! good one!

montyb on 2014-06-27 14:40:29
Dang! Fred beat me to it!

wvwoman on 2014-08-19 18:01:40
this time, i had sex of love...

maradnu on 2014-12-13 15:05:55
I prefer gulls

tfw on 2016-01-02 05:56:55
Ah, there's always the mermaids and sirens enticing you to crash your one-man raft on the rocks of the island of metaphor.

SwampySox on 2016-02-27 11:15:04
Good ones!

04-28-2016, 04:23 AM
"No man is a good doctor who has never been sick himself."
— Chinese Proverb

dovid1946 on 2015-03-13 14:27:16
i wish i had an endocrynologist who had diabetes himself

Quizzical on 2015-03-23 07:22:35
No man is a good mortician... never mind.

Barnabas on 2015-10-01 09:37:06
Careful, Quizzical. :-)

04-28-2016, 04:48 PM
"Dreams digest the meals that are our days."
— Astrid Alauda

montyb on 2012-05-15 14:02:02

montyb on 2012-05-16 17:42:36
Yep, it's still an icky metaphor.

joed on 2012-10-28 18:12:47
THAT explains the nightmares following workdays

locodad on 2012-12-15 18:54:21
I think Mondays are the best days to digest and dream and not do any work , because we are too lazy from the weekend

locodad on 2014-01-18 18:54:26
garfield was doing some exercise because he was too lazy to be lazy

obsessedreader8 on 2015-06-14 22:46:56
Oh, this took forever--and it wasn't worth it!

skeeter on 2015-06-30 00:30:42
Oops. Digest the meals, not divest the means.

puzzleme on 2015-08-30 15:10:25
Astrid Alauda is the twin from whom Robert Brault was separated at birth

04-28-2016, 08:11 PM
"The goodness of the true pun is in the direct ratio of its intolerability." — Edgar Allan Poe

kb83 on 2015-12-30 07:40:30
True puns can be used with impunity.

05-01-2016, 04:08 AM
"As pure water poured into pure water becomes the very same, so does the Self of the illumined man or woman verily become one with the Godhead. "
— Katha Upsanishad

kb83 on 2015-08-07 06:42:14
It's easy to lose yourself when this happens.

LLapp on 2015-10-18 06:21:43
Which is why I keep my illumined Self in a sealed bottle in the fridge behind the sauerkraut.

05-01-2016, 11:33 AM
oddcouple: This is great - I forget nearly all the comments, including my own, which is one reason I wanted to make this thread. What I do remember is looking up the spelling for "sauerkraut."

But what really strikes me in this one is personal: The date on my comment was just a few days after I had left my job, where I had felt frustrated for a long time. The image of my glowing self stored and hidden away in a sealed bottle was pretty apt for how I was feeling! And to think I was only joking.

05-01-2016, 06:05 PM
"Walks. The body advances, while the mind flutters around it like a bird."
— Jules Renard

ericthirdrow on 2014-10-14 08:27:53
Balks. The runner advances, while the ump ignores fans calling him a turd.

05-01-2016, 06:22 PM
Advice from a veteran trapeze performer: Throw your heart over the bars and your body will follow. "
— Unattributed

universalmom on 2014-12-02 14:13:41
because your heart is in your thorax

abra on 2014-12-30 08:42:05
And if your heart crashes to the ground, your body will follow.

LLapp on 2015-04-04 19:04:20
Sounds gruesome.

dovid1946 on 2015-05-06 14:14:12
I heard about a famous trapeze performer who caught his wife in the act

oddcouple on 2016-03-08 23:41:23
What a groaner from Dovid.

05-01-2016, 11:03 PM
"Habits are the daughters of action, but then they nurse their mother, and produce daughters after her image, but far more beautiful and prosperous." — Jeremy Taylor

martayela on 2012-11-22 01:04:15
how can bansaisequoia solve this puzzle in 10 seconds? is he/she a robot or an actual person?

CarpeLanam on 2013-04-21 14:28:43
I think they need to add this question to the FAQ section of the site.

05-02-2016, 12:49 AM
very funny comment by carpelanam...and not a bad idea, really!

05-03-2016, 01:49 PM
"To your friends, you're like a trash bag. They'll use you for a little bit, then they'll throw you out."
— Adam R. Gwizdala

momof6 on 2009-03-01 05:23:22
Get better friends, then!

kat on 2009-03-14 17:14:40
Seriously? I agree with momof6. They aren't very good friends if that's the case.

maradnu on 2009-05-06 00:50:52
Definitely need better friends.

Lily H on 2011-06-04 03:22:54
He needs to choose his friends more wisely.

pootie49 on 2011-08-22 14:58:31
unless he's talking about boy/girlfriends, then in some cases i have to agree.

colinmochrie on 2012-01-22 06:04:01
Who is this guy anyway? All that comes up on google are quotes from him.

Queethebean on 2012-05-22 19:24:21
That's my friend, Adam R. Gwizdala. Well, he used to be my friend, but, you know how that goes . .

05-03-2016, 02:55 PM
"The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives. "
— Anthony Robbins

montyb on 2013-08-24 23:52:45
I speak Wookie.

kb83 on 2015-04-02 03:34:11
With others, or just with yourself, montyb?

universalmom on 2015-06-01 13:47:50
Rwwwaaaaarrrr :)

05-03-2016, 02:58 PM
"He who goes to law for a sheep loses his cow. "
— Proverb

kat on 2009-03-09 15:55:11
I hate when that happens.

bansaisequoia on 2009-11-01 16:48:36
Don't have a cow, man.

LiveLoveLaugh on 2009-11-14 17:03:01
that's why I avoid the law

bansaisequoia on 2010-01-05 21:16:58
I fought the law and the law won.

kat on 2010-05-08 16:49:32
Still pining for my lost cow...

bansaisequoia on 2010-06-01 23:49:43
kat don't have a cow!

kat on 2010-10-24 16:26:41
Don't rub it in Bansai! I KNOW I don't have a cow! That's why I'm pining...

iltquilt on 2012-08-15 01:53:27

locodad on 2013-11-25 00:44:48

momof7 on 2015-03-10 14:59:18
That's the cost of a lawyer. They charge by the syllable.

SippyGurl on 2015-10-16 04:56:46
so mooving

LLapp on 2016-01-09 10:15:55
Kat's cow is a moo point. I wouldn't lose any sheep over it.

debzhaus on 2016-03-22 17:33:56
It's like a cow's opinion. It doesn't matter.

05-04-2016, 03:43 AM
"In reality, the world has paid too great a compliment to critics, and has imagined them men of much greater profundity than they really are. "
— Henry Fielding

bansaisequoia on 2009-09-18 00:49:03
And he lived two centuries before Siskel & Ebert.

maradnu on 2009-11-25 00:19:53
Sounds like a man burned a few times by criticism.

debzhaus on 2011-08-08 08:32:32
LOL! Or should I say, "Two thumbs up!"

Allen on 2013-06-23 13:45:12
β€œCritics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves.” Brendan Behan

GtrZan on 2015-10-29 02:10:44
"In reality... really...". Redundant?

LLapp on 2016-04-12 14:09:32
Oh GtrZan, everybody's a critic.

05-04-2016, 11:42 AM
"If you wish to keep your affairs secret, drink no wine."
— Unattributed

YorkiesRule on 2015-08-24 22:29:23
I have to add to this - and don't let your mother drink too much at your wedding :) My husband's mom had a little too much at our wedding and started telling embarrassing stories from his childhood to everyone. He spent half the wedding trying to stop her :)

05-04-2016, 03:27 PM
"The present is the ever moving shadow that divides yesterday from tomorrow. In that lies hope. "
— Frank Lloyd Wright

LLapp on 2016-01-11 15:39:26
Now is in the shadow, and yesterday and tomorrow are in the light? What?

cryptospiridiagram on 2016-03-15 07:15:12
Waitβ€”I thought tomorrow, tomorrow, and tomorrow crept in a petty pace and life was the walking shadow.

05-04-2016, 03:29 PM
"It is in vain to say human beings ought to be satisfied with tranquility - they must have action and they will make it if they cannot find it."
— Charlotte Bronte

montyb on 2014-02-06 12:38:27
And thus was invented roller derby.

05-04-2016, 05:33 PM
"When a man comes to me for advice, I find out the kind of advice he wants, and I give it to him."
— Josh Billings

chopstix on 2012-10-15 19:59:22
1 (800) PSYCHIC will do the same, but will charge you $2.50 a minute.

locodad on 2012-11-25 14:08:10
I think its 1-800 PSYCHO.They let their maid answer your call while they are throwing a celebration party at your expense in their Beverly Hills mansion

wordfairy on 2015-07-23 23:36:59

05-04-2016, 08:17 PM
I love the group spirit in this thread! So many fun ideas, no clear answers . . .

"All of you that intend to ring, you undertake a dangerous thing. " — Unattributed

LiveLoveLaugh on 2009-10-21 12:08:08
okay :^)

kb77 on 2011-09-16 10:59:04
ring as in mob? that at least makes sense.

montyb on 2012-03-16 22:16:58

montyb on 2012-07-23 21:26:45
I believe it's referring to telemarketers.

BrightSky9 on 2012-09-18 14:39:47
Sing? Be king? Go shopping?

bansaisequoia on 2012-10-21 15:14:01
Maybe it means don't watch that Japanese videotape that kills everybody seven days after viewing. (but, telemarketers sounds plausible, too!)

joed on 2012-12-07 06:44:45
Boxing ring? Wedding ring?

montyb on 2012-12-08 21:36:45
I'm sticking with telemarketers.

WRQ9 on 2014-01-31 06:43:51
Resound. Resonate. Include self in definition of life. Believe, participate, achieve. Unattributed is really sharing deeply with us how he/(she) decided not to.

skoogie2 on 2014-03-23 10:27:33
Good interpretation, WRQ, that makes sense.

Lurker on 2015-01-28 12:43:44
Considering this site, I'm going with the wedding ring theory.

dovid1946 on 2015-02-12 04:51:29
how about the lost art of door-to-door selling?. Ringing the bells of those houses, never knowing what maniacal horror lurks inside those domiciles.

LLapp on 2015-08-11 16:20:53
Definitely telemarketers. This must be from the training manual. And by the way, I wasted a good 30 seconds staring at "RING" before I hit enter.

caa on 2015-08-12 11:08:08
Oh, come on, guys! I'm pretty sure it refers to campanology. Bell-ringing. You can hang yourself on the bell-rope, or pull a bell over on yourself, or be deafened if you're in the bell-room at the wrong time. And then there are the angry villagers who lie in wait...

kb83 on 2015-11-04 09:58:08
I think it is about marriage. Sorta Shakespearian.

marnita on 2016-03-31 13:51:44
I agree with caa.

05-04-2016, 08:26 PM
that's a great one!

05-05-2016, 04:04 AM
"I slept and dreamed that life was beauty. I awoke - and found that life was duty."
— Ellen Stugis Hooper

bansaisequoia on 2012-09-30 17:59:16
She said life was doody!

jnoodles on 2013-05-17 13:17:18
Isn't it spelled doodie? Oops! Now I said it too.

universalmom on 2014-11-28 12:57:05
My kids giggle when i talk about duty

lainecap on 2015-10-16 16:21:57

05-06-2016, 03:55 AM
"Remember, a chip on the shoulder is a sure sign of wood higher up. "
— Brigham Young

dovid1946 on 2015-04-15 09:12:17
and he must have had a lot of wood down below as well. He had a lot of children.

wvwoman on 2015-05-28 19:23:36
geez, dovid.

kb83 on 2015-09-10 07:36:49
And wood is good because .... ?

mikehallbackhoe on 2015-10-30 04:53:54
if you have a chip on your shoulder you might be a blockhead

05-07-2016, 04:43 AM
"Money is the seed of money, and the first guinea is sometimes more difficult to acquire than the second million. "
— Jean Jacques Rousseau

skeeter on 2015-07-01 09:43:19
And if your first guinea is a male and your second is a female, soon you will have a wealth of guineas. Oh, wait, that's guinea pigs.

kb83 on 2015-10-13 10:21:30
Is someone who hoards his guineas a guinea pig?

05-07-2016, 09:14 PM
"For the most part, we carnivores do not eat other carnivores. We prefer to eat our vegetarian friends."
— Robert Brault

Barnabas on 2012-06-09 14:50:32
"Jeffrey, I don't like your friends," said Mrs. Dahmer. "That's okay, Mom. Just eat the vegetables."

gerrissister on 2013-03-23 18:30:50

maradnu on 2013-11-15 08:19:45
I don't eat my friends. I prefer to eat total strangers.

05-08-2016, 12:02 AM
"I have scarcely touched the sky and I am made of it." — Antonio Porchia


montyb on 2015-05-24 15:50:46
He looks like a little ray of sunshine.

LLapp on 2015-07-31 00:38:59
He looks like his puppy left him for his best friend.

abra on 2016-01-03 14:50:17
...even though he had a pork chop tied around his neck.

05-08-2016, 04:03 AM
"Time is the only critic without ambition. "
— John Steinbeck

kjmcaj on 2013-06-06 18:16:12
45 seconds.

oddcouple on 2016-01-02 00:15:30
Of course Time has ambition-to sell magazines.

05-08-2016, 04:07 AM
"The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people. "
— Lucille S. Harper

puzzleme on 2013-08-05 01:11:21
Hmmm... never looked at it from quite that angle.

JD_1947 on 2014-11-07 06:40:16
so an egotist goes into a bar and says . . no not another egotist joke . . .

Ian123 on 2014-11-08 17:38:40
He was such an egotist that he joined the navy so the world could see him.

LLapp on 2015-01-19 12:22:00

05-08-2016, 04:09 AM
An event has happened, upon which it is difficult to speak, and impossible to be silent."
— Edmund Burke

montyb on 2014-02-03 10:50:57
OK, I confess. It was I who left the toilet seat up. Sorreeeee!!!

jnoodles on 2014-03-22 13:53:43
wish i'd said that

05-08-2016, 04:27 AM
"Patience is a necessary ingredient of genius. "
— Benjamin Disraeli

dovid1946 on 2014-12-20 03:00:41
Disraeli had a very close relationship with Queen Victoria. When he traveled abroad, she missed him terribly and was known to cry trhoughout the castle- 'Won't you come home, Disraeli, won't you come home'

05-08-2016, 05:16 AM
"When a man fell into his anecdotage it was a sign for him to retire from the world. "
— Benjamin Disraeli

octopunchy on 2012-11-09 15:33:09
That's why I put a fence around my anecdotage...

locodad on 2013-10-29 00:47:24
my anecdotage is bigger than yours.

m1j9s48 on 2014-03-17 12:39:27
What does it look like?I'm getting too old to be falling into my anecdotage.

montyb on 2014-07-06 07:07:09
This reminds me of an anecdote...

jnoodles on 2015-05-15 05:23:43
So long as he doesn't bring up his unclecdotes.

abra on 2015-05-28 10:12:10
I thinkoctopunchy has the right idea. Put a fence around your anecdotage, then you can sit around and tell stories about it.

LLapp on 2016-04-09 11:28:45
"Anecdotage" -- what a great word!

05-08-2016, 08:47 AM
"I have the world's largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep it spread out on beaches all over the world."
— Steven Wright

chriscrojam on 2011-02-25 09:35:55
You can't have everything. Where would you put it? - Steven Wright

pootie49 on 2011-05-06 17:37:13
he cracks me up. lol

bgray on 2011-08-20 22:08:38
I saw Steven Wright perform almost 30 years ago, and still remember that evening as one of the funniest of my life!

wvwoman on 2012-11-13 05:58:45
he's a stitch!

Barnabas on 2013-04-27 21:12:40
"I was born caesarian. You can't really tell; except when I leave the house I usually go out the window." - Steven Wright

abra on 2014-07-21 09:05:24
Nothing to do with the quote, but you reminded me of when Adrian Monk said "I was born normally, but I was raised caesarian".

dovid1946 on 2015-04-24 04:12:29
I am trying to figure out why steven Wright is sooo funny, while Jack Handey is sooo unfunny.

JenDiaz72 on 2015-05-12 12:37:46
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. - Steven Wright

05-08-2016, 07:23 PM
"I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money. " — Bob Hope

abra on 2015-06-25 10:45:00
I think this quote is one of those that I have done more than any other. I've probably done it a couple dozen times. You'd think I'd be able to set a record, not so. It still took me 24 seconds. Much longer than bansai, or in this case bonsai.

marnita on 2015-09-13 04:57:49
Does anyone know why there is a bonsai as well as a bansai? Are they the same person?

oddcouple on 2015-10-04 01:01:04
I think bansai may have three or four additional accounts just for when he gets bored setting records under one identity

abra on 2016-03-13 08:59:24
When I first started here, I thought that bansai, and bonsai were a couple, maybe even husband and wife.

05-08-2016, 07:36 PM
It's important to have a twinkle in your wrinkle."
— Unattributed

Queethebean on 2012-08-10 23:21:26
I do not have that. I do not have a twinkle in my wrinkle. Apparently, it is important that I procure one.

WRQ9 on 2012-11-17 22:38:13
I mistyped and came up with a "twinkie in your winkie", which I did not want.

wvwoman on 2013-03-23 17:27:28
don't be too quick to decide, wrq9---it might make it taste better...(gasp! what did she say??!!)

opallady on 2015-02-18 07:29:26
LOL, you guys!

05-09-2016, 03:03 AM
The years like great black oxen tread the world, and God the herdsman treads them on behind, and I am broken by their passing feet. "
— William Butler Yeats

SineTimor on 2013-11-05 12:42:15

kb83 on 2014-04-30 15:27:09
Yes, just the image one wants when contemplating one's golden years.

05-09-2016, 03:55 AM
You are the product of your own brainstorm."
— Rosemary Konner Steinbaum

bekaboo22 on 2012-07-30 18:43:40
Well now, that's just silly!

montyb on 2013-09-16 09:06:52
I conceived of my own conception?

Quizzical on 2014-05-22 16:00:01
I think she ran out of sensible things to say and kept talking.

abra on 2014-11-08 10:16:45
I just couldn't come up with brainstorm. I had a Y as the last letter, and I stuck with it for a LONG time.

mikehallbackhoe on 2014-12-30 06:51:28
I tried a y and an s for the last letter, it finally took a brainstorm to solve it

larry149 on 2015-06-15 04:07:49
There needs to be a rating category for Stupid Nonsense.

judy100 on 2015-06-28 08:12:25
People can reinvent themselves and with amazing results.

momn8r on 2015-12-16 10:27:18
Barometric pressure dropping over the medulla oblongota! Batten down the grey matter!

badbob on 2015-12-31 04:06:37

05-09-2016, 11:56 AM
"A fisherman may measure his catch by the size, but when is a man big enough to keep? "
— Unattributed

opallady on 2009-04-09 02:50:31
Great straight-line, but I'll try to behave and leave it alone.

maradnu on 2009-06-21 01:20:26
Age of consent, dear. Age of consent.

pootie49 on 2010-01-11 14:44:43
Dang it, this is a family site...too bad.

babs on 2010-02-01 04:33:48
Who's doing the fishing in this metaphor? A woman or the "Fisher of Men"? If the former, the quotation is outmodedly sexist, and if the latter, it has non-inclusive language (Jesus is a fisher of women too, presumably). We can forgive non-inclusive language from 18th century writers, but not from contemporary ones...

bansaisequoia on 2010-11-24 05:25:10
Unattributed is a person for all ages.

kb77 on 2011-10-25 12:16:09
whoever said size doesnt matter never went fishing! ;D

tinkastic on 2012-06-01 15:32:20
I like bab's perspective on this. Fish are valued by their size - which reflects their strength, age, life. But we aren't --- this look not to the size, but the worth of the (hu)man to keep as friend, to value.

05-09-2016, 04:24 PM
Hahaha maradnu - "age of consent!" Brilliant :)

05-09-2016, 09:40 PM
"Whatever is well said by another, is mine. " — Seneca

joed on 2013-01-25 16:37:59
Does that mean all of the Seneca quotes need to be attributed to other people? Or is there an argument that the Seneca quotes aren't well said, and therefore are actually his?

montyb on 2013-12-07 07:47:33
Seneca was the Roman precursor to Milton Berle.

05-10-2016, 01:28 PM
"As soon go kindle fire with snow, as seek to quench the fire of love with words."
— William Shakespeare

bvwRedux on 2012-02-16 02:11:19
And yet it hath been done, that snow is melted and stripped by marvelous electrodes into fuel and air -- hydrogen the first, and oxygen the latter -- then kindled easily, so too is lust's sudden flame easily quenched with a blanket of careful words.

oddcouple on 2013-10-27 08:26:14
You know it's difficult when the fastest time is 35 seconds.

abra on 2013-11-04 13:18:18
It was difficult for me. It took me 102 seconds longer than the record. Gryhnd's 35 seconds seems blazingly fast.

LLapp on 2014-09-08 12:30:38
134 seconds and proud of it.

dovid1946 on 2015-05-25 15:36:53
81 seconds and I am happy to be here, since the success rate is only 13.3%

LLapp on 2016-03-26 18:34:40
Holy moly, that comment from bvwRedux is original! It's gorgeous -- makes me want to start a Forum thread, maybe a Comments Hall of Fame. (And by the way, gryhnd's 35-sec. record still stands.)

05-10-2016, 02:10 PM
Opallady - That comment from bvwReduz was the one that prompted me to start this thread! Definitely a classic of classics.

05-10-2016, 06:34 PM
Okay, I HAD to add this one! I almost choked with laughter

"A man who exposes himself when he is intoxicated, has not the art of getting drunk. "
— Samuel Johnson

Barnabas on 2012-01-19 15:44:27
I think he was talking about Jim Morrison ;-)

bansaisequoia on 2012-04-04 18:53:24
I heard Jim Morrison would get so drunk, he would whip out his poetry in public! :-)

05-11-2016, 02:22 PM
"Every man is like the company he is wont to keep. "
— Euripides

fishbum on 2011-04-09 03:55:49
wont: adj. meaning accustomed or usual.

montyb on 2012-12-16 19:14:24
The company I keep is the cryptophiles of this site. Should I be concerned?

wvwoman on 2013-08-07 11:29:19
yes, montyb, very!

joma1944 on 2014-01-16 06:20:22
Monty, drop the cryptogram and slowly walk way.

montyb on 2014-08-07 15:23:49
I can't! I can't drop it! I need an intervention!

marnita on 2015-11-21 13:54:03
Well, you're not likely to get any help from us, Monty. We are all in the same boat. Birds of a feather . . . .

05-11-2016, 03:36 PM
this one is so sweet that i couldn't resist giving it extra exposure:

"It does no harm just once in a while to acknowledge that the whole country isn't in flames, that there are people in the country besides politicians, entertainers, and criminals."
— Charles Kuralt

gryhnd51 on 2012-04-01 20:00:33
He did a wonderful job proving that with his "On The Road" stories. They were always thoughtful and heart-warming.

opallady on 2013-04-06 22:39:35
Thumbs up.

abra on 2014-06-06 15:53:43
He was wonderful. He always left you feeling good.

LLapp on 2015-07-24 09:54:32
He had a beautiful vision for his message as a journalist, and he completely fulfilled it. Great American, in the truest sense.

05-11-2016, 05:40 PM
"There are two levers for moving men -- interest and fear. "
— Napoleon Bonaparte

koham on 2009-10-31 16:40:00
I guess I spiked the bell-curve by forgetting I had this open!

haverwench on 2010-08-14 02:21:38
And also sex. Oh wait, I guess that comes under "interest."

pootie49 on 2011-06-13 12:39:37
I actually thought that meant moving men as in men who move and pack stuff for you...LOL. I would have added no money levers them. Jeesh. and Doy.

bansaisequoia on 2012-03-08 20:13:31
Laurence Olivier and Nicol Williamson are moving men when they perform Hamlet. Oh, wait. That's not what they meant, either.

abra on 2013-07-16 21:01:53
I thought what Pootie thought. Miss, you Donna.

jnoodles on 2013-07-21 01:46:11
food and sex....or sex and food......or sex then food......or TV then sex then food

universalmom on 2014-01-21 14:10:20
The food should come first :)

universalmom on 2014-06-15 16:16:53
(wow I must have been really hungry when I wrote that…!)

universalmom on 2014-08-28 14:45:34
…also, I wonder where all those odd characters come from??

wvwoman on 2014-09-05 12:34:00
i wonder the same thing about those characters, u-mom!

abra on 2015-05-09 11:55:13
I know there's a thread in the forum about them. I'm always thinking I should go back to try to find it. I don't remember what it said. http://www.cryptograms.org/forum/showthread.php?t=636&highlight=symbols Pootie posted a way to fix it. I'm going to try it.

05-12-2016, 11:37 AM
"Do not insult the mother alligator until after you have crossed the river. "
— Haitian Proverb

montyb on 2012-04-16 18:02:12
You may as well be nice to the father, also

05-12-2016, 10:47 PM
"People should always have something which they prefer to life." — Johann G. Seume

PianoManGidley on 2009-05-03 13:46:25
Like what?

Delphve on 2012-09-24 13:17:11
A commuted sentence....

05-12-2016, 10:50 PM
"Washington is the only place where sound travels faster than light." — C. V. R. Thompson

wnt2ply on 2011-01-06 19:06:55
what do I do with the points?

kb77 on 2011-09-25 19:14:12
it travels faster than brain waves also it seems.

LLapp on 2014-12-16 14:21:07
wnt2ply: Nothing! I consider points an embarrassment because they show how much time I've frittered away at puzzle-solving.

skoogie2 on 2014-12-21 02:35:01
au contraire, llapp, it's time well spent and to be celebrated as brain work time!

Highpoint on 2015-02-24 12:32:12
Are the points redeemable for cash?

abra on 2015-05-17 14:58:12
Haven't you all been cashing in your points?

05-12-2016, 10:55 PM
"A hallucination is a fact, not an error; what is erroneous is a judgment based upon it." — Bertrand Russell

torn88 on 2011-12-23 18:04:51
Judgement ... missing e?

universalmom on 2012-07-01 16:23:05
Oddly, judgement is the British spelling - which you'd expect, since Mr. Russell is British.

jnoodles on 2013-05-08 19:27:37
Shouldn't it be "an" hallucination? A just sounds wrong to me.

chopstix on 2014-03-13 05:53:24
whoa - did you just see that?

05-13-2016, 03:12 AM
"Make your life a mission - not an intermission."
— Arnold Glasgow

bansaisequoia on 2012-07-30 19:21:11
Let's all go to the lobby to get some 7-Up.

locodad on 2013-04-01 02:10:17
I don't think they sell 7-UP in the theater, Maybe they should,because the sodas would be much less expensive

montyb on 2014-01-07 17:12:55

JD_1947 on 2014-12-04 02:21:37
. . I made my life a 'million' so sodas and popcorn are on me . . . ..

abra on 2015-04-18 10:47:39
My life was a million, too. Or maybe an intermillion.

cryptospiridiagram on 2016-03-01 12:18:53
This seems one of those that sacrifice meaning for quotability. sigh

05-13-2016, 03:49 PM
"Life will not bear refinement. You must do as other people do." — Samuel Johnson

bansaisequoia on 2009-11-26 15:40:51
No way. I'm an iconoclast who struts to the beat of a different drummer.

rage on 2012-02-20 10:12:27
And I'm a by-the-books government agent. Due to a clerical error, we wind up being roommates. Wackiness ensues! It's G-Man and the Rebel. Only on CBS.

05-14-2016, 12:16 PM
"Just when I resolve to stop posting comments, I see this . . ."- LLapp

Please don't stop posting comments, LLapp! This amusing thread is just getting started, I hope. Thank you for creating it, and adding so many great quoted comments to it. :D

05-14-2016, 04:39 PM
Some men storm imaginary Alps all their lives and die in the foothills cursing difficulties which do not exist."
— Edgar Watson Howe

fishbum on 2015-07-30 09:01:31
"The Lord alps those who alp themselves"...Groucho Marx

darkyr on 2016-04-06 08:49:32
Alp! I'm dying over here in the foothills!

05-14-2016, 06:15 PM
"Happiness is a bowl of cherries and a book of poetry under a shade tree." — Astrid Alauda

darkyr on 2015-04-14 06:12:19
Applying some simple algebra we can see that a bowl of cherries is happiness under a shade tree without a book of poetry.

05-15-2016, 03:42 AM
"After I die, wherever my spirit goes, I'm going to try to get back and visit my skeleton at least once a year."
— Jack Handey

montyb on 2012-05-09 18:30:17
You can't go bone again.

gryhnd51 on 2012-09-03 04:56:04
Good luck with that, Jack.

kjmcaj on 2013-04-06 18:12:31
74 seconds

petname on 2015-03-13 06:02:40
Good grief! Why was this ever said? Just creepy to me!

universalmom on 2015-08-19 09:19:44
Monty!! Lol

Quickly on 2016-04-21 13:15:17
Monty!! Hahaha!!

05-15-2016, 04:03 AM
I do my work at the same time each day - the last minute."
— Unattributed

Wolfie on 2013-09-27 15:44:44
So do I!

JenDiaz72 on 2015-04-10 08:46:39
My is the last minute after a full day of cryptograms.

LLapp on 2015-04-23 09:40:09
Uh oh. . . . but no, really, I can stop anytime I want.

05-15-2016, 04:13 AM
If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome."
— Anne Bradstreet

bvwRedux on 2012-01-13 02:26:40
If we had no fall, we wouldn't sprain our ankles.

puzzleme on 2013-04-25 07:05:35
LOL - such an unexpected comment, bvw!

dovid1946 on 2014-12-30 05:25:29
i've been down so long, it looks like up to me

wvwoman on 2015-02-11 13:46:40
love that phrase, dovid--you quoting farina or the doors?!

dovid1946 on 2015-02-23 07:52:32
I think the Doors were quoting Richard Farina, who , incidentally, was Joan Baez' inlaw.

05-15-2016, 04:31 AM
"It is one of my sources of happiness never to desire a knowledge of other people's business."
— Dolley Madison

montyb on 2012-05-24 17:42:36
So why are you in just about every other kitchen or pantry in America?

universalmom on 2012-07-01 00:59:47
Haha...hiding out & eavesdropping?

abra on 2014-01-27 13:34:57
No bio for Dolley Madison?

oddcouple on 2016-01-23 17:11:49
Dolley Madison was the wife of James Madison, fourth president of the US

05-15-2016, 02:03 PM
"Men! The only animal in the world to fear."
— D.H. Lawrence

abra on 2011-06-24 19:07:47
I'm not too crazy about snakes, rats,, rougue elephants, lions, tigers and bears either. For that matter,if I don't know a dog I fear it too. David was much braver than I, but he had a point about mankind.

universalmom on 2012-02-11 23:22:18
Elephants? Oh okay, rogue elephants!

bansaisequoia on 2013-05-19 04:29:05
I've never seen rouge elephants, but sometimes I see pink elephants. And I could swear I saw a singing purple dinosaur on TV.

crypto-yes on 2014-05-17 11:11:24
me too! Barney!

LLapp on 2015-02-24 15:34:23
Lawrence was a fine writer but a lousy zoologist. Fear is a primal instinct, rampant in the animal kingdom.

marnita on 2016-03-06 07:50:16
Yes, but I think he was saying man is the only one that really needs to be feared. From the point of view of the planet, he was certainly right.

05-15-2016, 02:14 PM
"The female of the species is more deadly than the male."
— Rudyard Kipling

maradnu on 2011-04-01 00:39:41
It may be a good thing Kipling is dead, because I know some women who would kill him for this remark.

matarisa on 2011-06-07 17:52:05
"Nuff said.

cryptoounce on 2012-11-14 23:55:51
I am indebted to Col. Mustard (Martin Mull) in the movie Clue for solving this one. Which is a sad statement on my own literacy.

jstrider on 2013-09-26 10:21:41
Amen Kipling! For married women, it's called make-up. To young single women, it's called War-Paint.

Lurker on 2014-02-03 13:15:39
Lol cryptoounce, that's where I heard it too! Love that movie.

dovid1946 on 2014-12-26 17:09:18
i can't believe that the success rate is so low ( 20.9%) It is a well-known quote, even if people may attribute it to Col. Mustard

tgreen517 on 2016-01-24 19:09:20
He doesn't say what species.

CCCookie on 2016-05-02 23:07:27
The female of EVERY species is more dangerous than the males of that species. Just threaten my children, family, home, and see. I may not be STRONGER that the males, but put me and others like me together and you'd be appalled what we can accomplish. There are reasons that some human males go to great lengths to keep women separated from other women. LOL

05-15-2016, 05:39 PM
"To show a child what once delighted you, to find the child's delight added to your own - this is happiness. "
— J. B. Priestley

gryhnd51 on 2012-07-03 04:47:37
You don't necessarily have to have your own children to know how true this is. Much easier to borrow a child from a sibling, or a friend or neighbor. I just loved giving my nephew that drum set !!

05-16-2016, 05:56 PM
My daily chuckle from monty!

"Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise. "
— Sigmund Freud

montyb on 2012-05-29 13:18:03
The only thing I exercise these days is caution.

mazereeuw on 2015-01-18 14:29:17
Good for your waistline, eh Monty?

montyb on 2015-07-01 17:15:10
I'll say! I haven't tripped over it for several months now.

05-16-2016, 06:05 PM
...and a second one, equally classic! monty, how do you come up with these??

Come live with me, and be my love, And we will some new pleasures prove Of golden sands, and crystal brooks, With silken lines, and silver hooks."
— John Donne

montyb on 2014-09-12 14:42:59
Seems like a roundabout way of asking a girl to go fishing.

05-16-2016, 11:08 PM
"There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine." — P. G. Wodehouse

mikehallbackhoe on 2015-01-28 09:03:59
I can only imagine how relieved the french were when hair dye became available

05-17-2016, 12:36 PM
"Marriage. It's a hard term to define. Especially for me - I've ducked it like root canal."
— Andrew Schneider

universalmom on 2014-02-08 02:30:38
Gosh darn it...I really wish I could marry a guy like him :P

05-18-2016, 03:37 AM
"The least thing upset him on the links. He missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows."
— P. G. Wodehouse

Those butterflies are real party animals. And they're always blasting Heart's "Dog And Butterfly" from the speakers of their tricked out vehicles as they go to keggers and raves. Not to mention Elton John's "Someone Saved My Life Tonight."

vivian1874 on 2012-04-28 04:30:08

montyb on 2012-12-16 21:12:04
I can attest to those loquaciuos lepidopterans. They stay quiet until you complete your back swing. Then they cut loose.

abra on 2014-02-14 09:59:46
Do they really have a fondness for Elton John? I never knew that.

dovid1946 on 2015-01-06 09:30:40
golf- a good walk spoiled- mark twain

Vienna on 2015-08-30 16:10:29
I think golf would be more fun with a little rock and roll

05-18-2016, 03:48 AM
"No other human being, no woman, no poem or music, book or painting can replace alcohol in its power to give man the illusion of real creation. "
— Marguerite Duras

bansaisequoia on 2011-08-16 01:08:46
Once, I was so drunk, I thought I was the Poet Laureate of the Florida Keys. Another time, I was so wrecked, I performed a Rant in E Minor.

universalmom on 2012-02-11 21:09:12
They say marijuana works too

wvwoman on 2012-12-02 05:03:16
oh, it works!

Kgun5 on 2013-03-11 12:22:03
I concur with wvwoman...

Barnabas on 2014-04-26 06:24:36
I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than have a full frontal lobotomy.

jason jiujitsu on 2014-09-24 09:54:44
With a name like Marguerite, she would know.

LLapp on 2014-10-19 09:15:50
Also coffee.

abra on 2014-12-02 11:50:40
Not coffee, it doesn't work for me, just makes me shaky. I hate that feeling. I've never tried pot. I do agree with the quote. Alcohol can make you feel quite the genius.

05-18-2016, 04:03 AM
"A vegetarian is a person who won't eat anything that can have children."
— David Brenner

octopunchy on 2012-11-19 18:50:17
Which is why I only eat babies that have been neutered.

nevadasmith68 on 2013-08-14 16:03:46
Vegetables have children. They're called seeds.

bansaisequoia on 2014-10-08 13:04:31
I eat baby carrots.

LLapp on 2015-05-13 11:35:05
Brenner's a funny guy, but he must have flunked botany.

dovid1946 on 2015-05-23 12:28:43
It is a shame that David Brenner passed away a little while back. He had just signed a contract to appear with Barbra Streisand in a movie entitled The War of the Noses'

05-18-2016, 04:06 AM
Wherever man has left his footprint in the long ascent from barbarism to civilization we will find the hoofprint of the horse beside it."
— John Moore

universalmom on 2012-11-01 01:28:28
Huh! Interesting...

Allen on 2012-12-26 19:54:34
Not really.

nevadasmith68 on 2013-08-19 20:43:35
How very true.

bazinga on 2013-10-25 10:41:59
In some places it was the hoof-print of the camel. Not all terrains are well suited to horses. For a fascinating anthropological study, read The Camel and the Wheel.

gryhnd51 on 2014-01-08 20:10:55
thanks, Bazinga....that sounds like a really good read.

puffybob on 2014-09-25 15:04:23
Not so sure that civilization and barbarism are opposites.

JenDiaz72 on 2014-11-12 07:49:30
How about ostrich riding? Those suckers can go pretty fast.

LLapp on 2015-11-29 18:59:29
And there are stretches in the ascent when there is only one set of hoofprints. "It was then," says the ostrich, "that I carried you."

montyb on 2016-05-09 21:49:13
How about the Laetoli footprints?

05-18-2016, 10:24 AM
"Make visible what, without you, might perhaps never have been seen."
— Robert Bresson

Barnabas on 2015-05-08 08:58:24
Isn't that why we buy clothing in the first place?

05-18-2016, 12:58 PM
Picasso would give up cubism just to capture your curves.
-Konfal Blyther

chriscrojam on 2011-10-02 22:31:57
I'll have to use that in a bar sometime.

05-18-2016, 02:57 PM
"Sometimes it seems your ever-increasing list of things to do can leave you feeling totally undone."
— Susan Mitchell and Catherine Christie

chopstix on 2013-10-22 07:20:52
That's why it's sitting quietly over there while I do these cryptos.

montyb on 2014-07-04 08:18:58

05-18-2016, 08:09 PM
"Count not him among your friends who will retail your privacies to the world. "
— Publilius Syrus

universalmom on 2012-05-23 23:09:47
Retailing your privacies can get you in a lot of trouble!

chopstix on 2013-12-20 07:12:07
the tabloids

kb83 on 2014-04-22 21:02:33
Thus revealing wholesale secrets?

montyb on 2014-11-20 09:14:20
I think he is talking about selling your undergarments as souvenirs.

05-19-2016, 07:24 PM
"Golf is life. If you can't take golf, you can't take life."
— Unattributed

montyb on 2013-03-16 16:59:52

kb83 on 2014-04-04 06:26:16
take? tame? tape?

LLapp on 2014-09-27 16:25:57
Way too many 'f's, but I had faith that this had to be a gold quote.

abra on 2014-10-14 14:24:35
All those Fs. Kind of surprising.

montyb on 2014-11-12 08:38:26
I use a lot of "F" words when I play golf.

universalmom on 2014-11-18 14:01:10
LOL monty :)

wvwoman on 2015-12-11 22:20:29
monty, that made me howl!

spacecoyote1966 on 2016-03-29 08:46:17
I feel the same way about bowling.

05-20-2016, 03:58 AM
"A good story cannot be devised; it has to be distilled. "
— Raymond Chandler

bansaisequoia on 2009-09-18 00:36:02
I'll drink to that. (Give me 10 stars for campiness)

fredsevent on 2012-02-14 20:00:32
Betelgeuse, Sirius, Vega, Rigel, Antares, Deneb, Polaris, Algol, Spica and Arcturus. Enjoy camping!

montyb on 2012-05-29 21:13:08
Orion, Canis Major, Lyra, Orion (opposite corner from Betelgeuse), Scorpius, Cygnus, Ursa Minor, Perseus, Virgo, and Bootes are their respective constellations. Keep looking up.

SippyGurl on 2015-10-22 16:33:38
okole maluna!

05-20-2016, 11:49 AM
"A good story cannot be devised; it has to be distilled. "
— Raymond Chandler

bansaisequoia on 2009-09-18 00:36:02
I'll drink to that. (Give me 10 stars for campiness)

fredsevent on 2012-02-14 20:00:32
Betelgeuse, Sirius, Vega, Rigel, Antares, Deneb, Polaris, Algol, Spica and Arcturus. Enjoy camping!

montyb on 2012-05-29 21:13:08
Orion, Canis Major, Lyra, Orion (opposite corner from Betelgeuse), Scorpius, Cygnus, Ursa Minor, Perseus, Virgo, and Bootes are their respective constellations. Keep looking up.

SippyGurl on 2015-10-22 16:33:38
okole maluna!

Wow! That's excellent!

05-20-2016, 12:58 PM
SippyGurl on 2015-10-22 16:33:38
okole maluna!

Okay this thread was bound to go meta eventually - I was delighted to see this from Sippy Gurl in the above post! It's a toast that you hear in the Hawaiian islands all the time, and it means something like "your a** to the moon!" Great way to say "bottoms up," don't you think??

05-20-2016, 03:46 PM
Thanks for the translation, universalmom.


05-20-2016, 05:50 PM
When I solved the quote for the stars and bansai's campiness, I was impressed by sippygurl's okole maluna! I left a follow up comment that it was nice to see that she knew Hawaiian.

05-21-2016, 03:34 AM
This isn't right, this isn't even wrong. "
— Wolfgang Pauli

montyb on 2012-06-06 00:32:49
Pauli is referring to any hypothesis that cannot be falsified by experiment. Usually he applied it to various pseudosciences.

Allen on 2013-05-01 14:28:01
I used to be a pseudoscientist, but so many pseudos were harmed during testing that I gave it up.

abra on 2015-01-19 11:23:06
Funny! Allen.

05-21-2016, 08:35 PM
"The historian has before him a jigsaw puzzle from which many pieces have disappeared. These gaps can be filled only by his imagination." — Gaetano Salvemini

Caution on 2013-05-15 23:44:29
This completely justifies my Napoleonic Wars/My Little Pony crossover.

05-24-2016, 03:40 AM
If you burn your neighbor's house down, it doesn't make your house look any better. "
— Lou Holtz

Kgun5 on 2014-06-11 01:25:32
I wonder if he said this in a post-game press conference after a loss.

abra on 2015-04-28 15:20:23
Nah, it comes from the booklet 10 Easy Steps for Selling Your House. JK

LLapp on 2016-03-23 17:29:08
Haha, abra!

Edit: Just noticed that I now have hit 100 posts and my status changed from a junior member to a senior member. Do I get an extra discount for being a senior?