"Genealogy is based on the obviously silly idea that there is no such thing as a bastard. "
maridex love on 2010-06-14 14:22:01
not bad.. its quite difficult..
maradnu on 2013-09-21 12:15:26
True, but prior to DNA testing, one could not easily track illegitimate descendants to their proper fathers. Even now, it is difficult to do so for more than a few generations.
montyb on 2014-02-23 04:58:56
Martin never met my boss.
JenDiaz72 on 2014-10-02 08:14:23
There's the boss thing again montyb... you crack me up... It is like your version of "That's what she said"...
Optimism is the foundation of courage."
Nicholas Murray Butler
Highpoint on 2015-03-17 19:21:27
I'd say ignorance is the foundation of courage.
sexytary on 2016-05-05 14:36:33
My foundation is Estee. Optimism.. hmm.. I have not heard of that brand before.. hmm.
"Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are."
bansaisequoia on 2011-12-03 00:57:08
I eat beefcakes and studmuffins.
montyb on 2012-08-05 21:11:54
I'm kind of partial to corn dogs, myself.
iltquilt on 2013-03-14 19:38:19
Chocolate ... any kind of chocolate. What does that make me?
locodad on 2014-02-03 01:00:02
i want some homemade tacos, not from Taco Smell
momof7 on 2014-12-31 15:31:31
I have a daily hot chocolate.
universalmom on 2015-01-19 04:39:19
I'm a sea salt caramel, apparently
abra on 2015-02-02 06:38:42
I think I'm catching cold. I'd like a grilled cheese sandwich, and some home made chicken noodle soup. That's probably not what I am, but it's what I would like.
LLapp on 2015-03-01 16:06:51
(Stop me if I've told this one before . . . ) So this guy walks into his doctor's office with a sprig of parsley in one ear, asparagus in the other, and a carrot stick up his nose. He says, "Doc, what's my problem?" and the doctor says, "You're not eating right."
email@example.com on 2015-05-09 11:23:34
From the look of this guys picture,he doesn't appear to have missed too many lunches.
marnita on 2015-06-19 12:32:43
If I tell you what I eat, you can tell me that I am . . . fat.
"To say that a work of art is good, but incomprehensible to the majority of men, is the same as saying of some kind of food that it is very good but that most people can't eat it. "
bansaisequoia on 2010-10-19 19:49:28
The Baroque makes me break out in hives.
Queethebean on 2013-02-01 17:00:35
You mean you Baroque out in hives?
fredsevent on 2013-02-14 23:58:05
So, for bansai, if it ain't baroque - you don't fix it?
puzzleme on 2013-03-18 06:46:28
I'm so baroque, I can't afford to fix it.
tjsrc on 2013-11-20 17:33:20
I think you guys baroque the pun barrier..
"We are indeed much more than what we eat, but what we eat can nevertheless help us to be much more than what we are." Adelle Davis
universalmom on 2012-09-24 15:05:57
Especially if we eat too much of it!
Jigawhammy on 2013-03-09 22:08:16
@universalmom Hah! Too true.
montyb on 2014-02-23 15:07:03
Geez, I suddenly crave a turkey sandwich.
montyb on 2014-05-10 13:11:57
Quizzical on 2014-10-17 16:02:06
With fried pork skins. Pure, natural and wholesome.
abracadebra on 2015-02-25 13:17:56
Hey, who spilled the beans,...
dovid1946 on 2015-04-29 08:30:33
I'm taking orders for pizza.
marnita on 2015-07-09 12:56:05
I'm ready for a slice of chocolate cake.
LLapp on 2015-08-18 09:00:38
Who left all these dirty dishes?
marnita on 2015-12-04 13:19:01
You would bring that up, LLapp! Now I have to go wash them.
abra on 2016-05-15 18:20:04
marnita, is the kind of person, you HOPE comes to your party.
"It is in the treatment of trifles that a person shows what they are. "
montyb on 2012-03-17 01:25:57
The trifles or the person?
puzzleme on 2013-05-07 12:59:02
Don't trifle with us, monty.
Allen on 2013-07-06 12:45:35
You say trifles, I say truffles. Let's call the whole thing off!
Quizzical on 2014-03-15 10:22:04
From the construction of the verb tense and the plural "they", it would indicate the trifles. I don't think that is what Artie had in mind. An please, someone, get him an aspirin.
ulua on 2014-04-15 02:43:23
Yum, I love a nice chocolate toffee trifle :)
macmilh on 2014-12-18 02:15:59
Quizzical - an aspirin is a cure for trifles?
Quizzical on 2015-01-09 03:41:08
Maybe the trifles gave him a headache. Chocolate can do that.
kb83 on 2015-06-08 04:17:46
tgreen517 on 2016-04-17 07:19:48
For some reason i am hungry now.
"You know, it was only a generation ago that actors couldn't be buried in the churchyard."
nevadasmith68 on 2013-06-18 01:07:18
I think that should still be the law.
wvwoman on 2014-01-21 16:50:00
LLapp on 2015-01-15 19:37:50
No, we should wait until they die first, like we do for everyone else.
abra on 2015-02-11 15:38:39
Best answer, LLapp.
pegxpeg on 2015-07-29 10:04:17
lainecap on 2016-03-19 15:17:46
llapp is right
"He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words. " Elbert Hubbard
montyb on 2014-03-22 05:51:41
fishbum on 2014-08-10 09:19:33
"Life is full of doors that don't open when you knock, equally spaced amid those that open when you don't want them to." — Roger Zelazny
oed on 2012-09-21 03:40:53
montyb on 2013-11-02 09:19:57
wobray on 2013-11-25 12:26:57
"I am the one who knocks" -- W. White
DeskJockey on 2014-10-02 03:46:17
It's gettin' dark, too dark to see...
Highpoint on 2014-11-12 11:45:54
I wish I had an ostracod named after me. Life would be complete then.
montyb on 2015-07-16 16:44:20
That is by far the weirdest knock-knock joke I have ever heard!
That li'l devil, LLapp!
"But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?"
saipanwriter on 2012-06-01 02:06:42
Believing that Satan is redeemable is the ultimate in faith! Who would have thought such from Mark Twain?
madrone on 2012-09-16 21:07:03
Do you know Samuel Clemmons? He's joking.
jnoodles on 2013-06-19 19:09:46
What's the difference, utimately, between praying 'for' and praying 'to' Satan? For a non-believer there is none. For a believer there should be none. Do Satanists tythe? Cuz I'm pretty sure they pay taxes.
LLapp on 2015-04-17 18:02:28
I think there's a big difference between praying for the redemption OF evil and praying TO the force of evil. Twain was joking, but still what he meant was praying for redemption of evil.
abra on 2015-10-19 10:24:56
ahem, I totally agree with LLapp. :o)
ruxpin66 on 2015-10-30 11:03:37
Also agree with LLapp
LLapp on 2015-12-29 14:40:40
Hehehe....my evil plan is working....
Good one, Barnabas.
"In the infancy of societies, the chiefs of the state shape its institutions; later the institutions shape the chiefs of state."
Baron de Montesquieu
kb83 on 2014-05-29 11:10:30
I tried shave, shame, shade, and share, and shake, before coming up with shape.
Barnabas on 2014-07-22 06:08:57
Well, shave on you, err shade on you, ummm shake on you, Doh!
wordfairy on 2015-02-28 23:34:25
ruxpin66 on 2016-01-09 05:11:05
I had "share," and spent way too much time trying to come up with an alternative to "later." Duh!
as a Canadian, I found this funny....
"Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen."
P. J. O'Rourke
pootie49 on 2011-05-29 14:16:48
uhuh and we prefer it that way. as for illiterate fishermen? i tayk ofenz at that. i fish nd i can reed gud.
momof7 on 2013-04-21 02:43:18
Pootie, I luv yore coment. I shud hav yu over to vizit my iglu wun day. yu can park yore dog sled next tu mine.
drawkward on 2014-05-16 02:09:23
what is a 'sport fisherman'?
wordfairy on 2015-03-16 22:06:53
Huh, you'd think the queen would commision a documentary. I guess she's too busy commissioning Carr's butter cookies and other foodstuffs for high tea. :P
LizardLeap on 2015-12-13 06:00:57
Grew up near the Canadian border....can still sing "O Canada"
LLapp on 2016-01-16 19:10:34
I love how he calls it "the Canadian country" rather than simply Canada.
"Those that are silent profess consent." Unattributed
rage on 2011-12-27 01:33:10
That's why you can get a mime to do anything.
"How do the angels get to sleep when the devil leaves the porch light on?"
JenDiaz72 on 2014-10-14 09:45:13
LLapp on 2016-01-15 10:10:22
This quote does not help me like Tom Waits.
I don't always understand WRQ9's comments but when I do, I sometimes LOL.:)
"Time has laid its healing hand upon the wound when we can look back at the the the pain we once fainted under, and no bitterness or despair arises in our heart."
— Jerome K. Jerome (In the crypto, the word "the" is repeated twice.
Madbury on 2010-09-03 19:07:11
error: "at the the pain"
agatha on 2011-01-10 05:07:52
The pain is so great that we stutter.
pootie49 on 2011-06-30 23:46:00
The actual original quote has two 'the's" in it.
gryhnd51 on 2011-09-03 05:16:58
maybe Jerome Jerome just HAD to put two of SOMETHING in every sentence, having been given that ridiculous name!
WRQ9 on 2012-03-29 00:09:53
Once again the literary world searches wildly for a plural form of "the".
montyb on 2012-05-28 16:10:36
wvwoman on 2015-03-15 19:00:51
perhaps jerome jerome stammered stammered.
doomspark on 2015-11-25 06:58:11
argh! double "the"!
kb83 on 2016-04-01 06:36:55
no no comment comment. great great comments comments.
Abra, I don't think I ever would have solved that quote on my own, what with that double "the" in the middle of it, so I'm grateful to read the thread here. Delightful comments. Thanks!
So much to enjoy here
(I found this thread delightful. It's got everything -- football, ancient Greek history and nonsense -- all in one place.)
"There are occasions when it is undoubtedly better to incur loss than to make gain." Titus Maccius Plautus
dovid1946 on 2015-01-14 04:35:32
If it is 4th and long from your own 40 yard line, you may decide to take a 5 yard penalty for delay of game and give your kicker a better chance to pin the opponent down closer to his end zone rather than kick it into the end zone and give him first and ten from his twenty.
locodad on 2015-10-06 16:51:15
i like your answer dovid1946
tskaggs6 on 2015-12-26 07:24:50
I'm pretty sure that in 200 BC the development of football tactics was fairly limited.
darkyr on 2016-06-13 08:01:04
Ah, 200BC, I remember it well. We were always wondering why the calendar went backward. We thought then that BC meant Backward Calendar. That and football, it's all we thought about really.
maradnu on 2016-07-18 06:03:57
The phrase Pyrrhic victory is named after king Pyrrhus of Epirus, whose army suffered irreplaceable casualties in defeating the Romans at Heraclea in 280 BC and Asculum in 279 BC during the Pyrrhic War. After the latter battle, Plutarch relates in a report by Dionysius: The armies separated; and, it is said, Pyrrhus replied to one that gave him joy of his victory that one other such victory would utterly undo him. For he had lost a great part of the forces he brought with him, and almost all his particular friends and principal commanders; there were no others there to make recruits, and he found the confederates in Italy backward. On the other hand, as from a fountain continually flowing out of the city, the Roman camp was quickly and plentifully filled up with fresh men, not at all abating in courage for the loss they sustained, but even from their very anger gaining new force and resolution to go on with the war. ββPlutarch, Life of Pyrrhus
"Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think."
bansaisequoia on 2009-08-20 02:01:40
Brain and brain? What is brain? (Actual line uttered on sixties TV series) http://blogs.sch.gr/eylignou/files/2...coy-helmet.jpg
Lurker on 2013-02-01 01:11:00
"Pinky, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "I think so, Brain, but what if the hippo won't wear the thong?" (Actual line from Pinky and the Brain.)
MmeScherzo on 2013-12-19 04:36:33
If I'd have used my brain more, I would have figured that out more quickly. I think.
maradnu on 2015-01-16 14:43:13
I think I think, therefore I think I am
judy100 on 2015-05-12 01:39:14
I think HARD.
montyb on 2015-06-15 15:09:41
I hardly think.
"Better to light one small candle than to curse the darkness. "
octopunchy on 2012-11-20 17:32:22
Annamariah on 2014-01-23 03:39:44
"It's hard to light a candle, easy to curse the dark instead" - Last Ride of the Day by Nightwish
JD_1947 on 2015-01-09 03:28:22
. . use your cell phone too . . . .
LLapp on 2015-03-23 08:55:28
Or use your Small Candle iPhone app.
GramBow on 2015-06-23 07:13:04
Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, "I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life." John 8:12
"Though wisdom cannot be gotten for gold, still less can be gotten without it. "
fishbum on 2013-10-11 10:04:14
Gold or wisdom?
Quizzical on 2014-03-16 14:47:20
LLapp on 2014-11-04 14:57:43
Can I buy a wisdom carrot with this gold?
maradnu on 2015-01-05 15:11:52
How about a wisdom tooth?
maradnu on 2016-07-07 08:19:38
I think they are called wisdom teeth because many people have none, and those who do are usually troubled by them.
"Question everything. Every stripe, every star, every word spoken. Everything."
Ernest J. Gaines
fredsevent on 2012-02-11 17:35:20
I've tried this and the stars and stripes won't answer my questions. They just give me the silent treatment.
joed on 2012-11-07 17:28:22
sometimes they wave
montyb on 2014-01-27 09:06:32
O'er the ramparts?
universalmom on 2014-04-24 14:36:39
O'er the land of the free and the home of the brave!
abra on 2014-11-03 13:37:26
Quizzical on 2014-12-29 01:45:33
Excellent series. Y'all.
montyb on 2015-01-31 06:49:11
A series for the world.
"Most of our diversions do not so much delay death as accustom us to it."
hopetheturtle on 2012-11-23 19:34:27
The person's eyes were as glued to the TV screen as a corpse's eyes are glued to the thing in front of them. Right?
montyb on 2013-09-07 09:42:58
It would explain reality TV.
"It is impossible to imagine Goethe or Beethoven being good at billiards or golf."
opallady on 2009-03-23 18:57:24
Perhaps they felt they had better things to do.
PianoManGidley on 2009-04-02 01:42:13
maradnu on 2009-04-12 01:16:07
And why should they have been?
bansaisequoia on 2009-10-02 19:29:17
It is impossible to imagine Willie Mosconi or Tiger Woods being good at writing drama or composing music.
kb77 on 2011-10-02 17:49:19
its too bad we cant imagine goethe or beethoven as rich as tiger woods. then the world might start to make sense.
chopstix on 2012-12-17 15:16:12
It's not unusual at all for someone who is a master in one area to be quite good in many others, often surprisingly so. Skill and ability have a lot to do with focus, concentration, attitude and application - plus the enjoyment of the challenge. I can easily imagine the scenario!
abra on 2014-01-07 10:34:29
Why wouldn't they be good at those things?
montyb on 2014-03-30 02:52:09
Well, in Goethe's case he always tried to determine the philosophical underpinnings for his wicked slice, when in reality he was just opening his shoulders too early allowing his lead hand to get a little ahead of his other hand. Pure physics.
universalmom on 2015-01-08 10:08:18
I could totally picture Mozart being good at billiards
LLapp on 2015-05-05 15:44:12
I'm having trouble picturing Beethoven in plaid trousers and preppie polo shirt.
montyb on 2015-07-20 10:17:33
How about plaid kickers?
LLapp on 2015-09-02 06:11:15
Yes -- and an ear trumpet!
instead of monty python ( python = snake) b in montyb os boa( boa = snake)
Yes, montyb, I hate it when snakes go on strike. Then there follows the inevitable "scab"
Barnabas moderates a theological discussion
"The true recipe for a miserable existence is to quarrel with Providence." James Waddell Alexander, II
dovid1946 on 2014-12-31 04:31:42
The Bible is full of people who quarreled with God- starting with Abraham
LLapp on 2015-02-22 12:01:55
And then there was Jacob, the one who wrestled to know God. So much finer than quarreling.
marnita on 2015-05-19 11:24:45
And then there was Job, who did everything right and got punished anyway.
Barnabas on 2016-07-19 15:55:05
I don't live anywhere near Rhode Island.
my first comment
From Candy to Golf and more, comment on:
Though I am always in haste, I am never in a hurry.
― John Wesley, John Wesley's Sermons: An Anthology
AHD on 2012-12-26 23:33:51
e.e. cummings: no one beautiful ever hurries
universalmom on 2014-01-16 10:25:53
Sting: A gentleman will walk but never run.
LLapp on 2014-12-28 18:23:10
Oh I think he was playing a party game: Though I always like candy, I never like lollipops. / Though I am always glad, I am never happy. / Though I always laugh, I never giggle. / Though I am always in haste, I am never in a hurry.
dovid1946 on 2015-02-27 04:54:31
is there a difference without much distinction?
killdozer on 2016-01-28 17:45:27
I think he's talking about the difference between being able to do something quickly and efficiently and rushing through it in a sloppy manner. Speed and "have" are not necessarily the same thing.
montyb on 2016-07-14 07:07:03
Though I am always in haste to get to the golf course, I am never in a hurry while playing golf.
This is getting very long and I hope I'm not reposting something that's already here, but I thought it was funny.
"Few men have the natural strength to honour a friend's success without envy."
LiveLoveLaugh on 2009-08-30 23:17:41
honour why not the American spelling?
Tiz on 2009-11-13 09:10:14
Why not the Greek?
Moni on 2011-06-06 23:29:05
why not the British or Canadian?
montyb on 2014-01-03 20:16:25
Why not the Aaron Spelling?
tskaggs6 on 2014-11-06 16:40:59
r Tori Spelling? Yeah, I've just about had it with you spellingists.
skeeter on 2015-03-03 03:35:59
Before Tori was married, she was Miss Spelling all the time.
universalmom on 2015-04-14 02:03:42
good one, skeeter :)
lainecap on 2015-04-20 09:32:28
I will just wait a spell before making my comment.
LLapp on 2016-06-30 19:53:55
My last crypto for the month of June. Nice to end on a chuckle. Thanks guys.
Abra - Yes that was a repeat (http://www.cryptograms.org/forum/sho...&postcount=358), but it's certainly not the first. I think there have been about a half dozen repeats so far.
You are the first person in this thread to even mention repeats, and for that the proofreader in me salutes you. (I always have to remind myself that I may be the only person around for miles who cares a whit about this sort of thing.)
To all: It's easy to check whether particular quote comments have already been posted here. While you are on any page within this thread, click "Search this thread" at the top of the first comment on the page, and enter a key word or phrase. Results will show you any possible duplicates.
"If a man could have half of his wishes, he would double his troubles." Benjamin Franklin
fredsevent on 2011-09-06 06:13:06
Really? Have you any actual data to back up this claim?
chopstix on 2013-03-12 16:59:13
mega million lotto winners
YorkiesRule on 2015-03-11 23:02:25
Just imagine that every time you get mad and wish for somebody to drop dead, they would actually die. Or you have a fight with your wife and tell her "I wish I never met you" and suddenly the last 20 years of your life are gone and your children don't exist.
Unattributed on 2016-01-13 06:31:38
Stop tempting me, Yorkies. Kidding aside, sometimes we want things that aren't good for us. And sometimes a misfortune turns out to be a blessing in disguise.
momn8r on 2016-01-15 04:34:09
LOOK! a comment from "Unattributed!" I always knew in my heart that Un lurked about on this site! It's an Unattributed Moment!
marnita on 2016-06-14 16:47:08
Unattributed has a lot of nerve to show his or her face here!
You know by now that I'm a perfectionist. Just ignore my finicky spells.
i did not know you are a Lisa.
there a so many lisas in my life, direct neighbor, former dance teacher, the shorted version of a favorite actress - ( if you didn't guess Cleopatra with the violet eyes and eight husbands), i do like the name, it means oath of god, lily flower, devoted to god.
you don't teach Bharatnatyam, have violet eyes or live in Connecticut do you?
;) ;) :D :D
"History assures us that civilizations decay quite leisurely." Will Durant
fishbum on 2013-06-04 18:56:05
I wonder how much time we have left?
kjmcaj on 2013-07-05 19:58:15
momof7 on 2013-08-11 04:34:40
HELP!!! We only have 68 seconds left!!!! We are decaying before our very eyes!
maradnu on 2014-12-27 13:52:50
Up to the point that they collapse altogether.
puzzleme on 2015-04-17 16:49:14
At 126 below average seconds, I am helping to delay our decay. I hope you all appreciate that.
"Language ought to be the joint creation of poets and manual workers. "
bansaisequoia on 2010-02-03 19:34:55
This ode is not for shirkers,But earthly common workers, What bliss it is to be on, The level of a peon.
universalmom on 2013-01-14 22:34:47
Hahaha...that's awesome :)
bazinga on 2013-10-27 17:38:59
βThere's a sorrow and pain in everyone's life, but every now and then there's a ray of light that melts the loneliness in your heart and brings comfort like hot soup and a soft bed.β He would have loved Selby.....
LLapp on 2014-12-11 19:10:46
Bansais, did you write that? It's excellent.
skeeter on 2015-08-15 09:52:10
I wish my pup would be on / The papers meant to peon.
universalmom on 2016-01-22 13:55:39
Even better, skeeter!!
abra on 2016-06-28 14:32:53
Such poets!! LOL, Skeeter.
"Laughter is the corrective force which prevents us from becoming cranks." — Henri Bergson
montyb on 2014-01-26 07:10:15
So fellow cryptogrammers, judging by Bergson's portrait, would you say laughter or crankiness was the driving force in his life?
skoogie2 on 2014-02-18 08:22:25
Oh I definitely see that laughter hiding behind that smirk!
kb83 on 2015-02-18 06:22:55
This photo may have been taken before the advent of "cheese".
This was about the fifth time Abra made me laugh today...
"Words are always getting conventionalized to some secondary meaning. It is one of the works of poetry to take the truants in custody and bring them back to their right senses." William Butler Yeats
skoogie2 on 2013-09-22 02:29:14
I love the idea of taking those words and setting them free of conventions! haha Words gone wild!
abra on 2013-12-06 15:26:17
Great idea, until it's YOUR words, up there flashing, on Young Words Gone Wild.
from astronauts to exercise.
From America's good boy and Russia's deafeat, welcome the moons first comtempory human visitor: Neil Armstrong!!
I believe that every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
- Neil armstrong
puffybob on 2011-03-26 04:00:57
Of course, exercise actually lowers one's heart rate overall, so this would be a miscalculation even if true.
reader4 on 2011-08-29 05:01:06
"Like many a quote which gets printed once and therefore enshrined in the libraries of all newspapers and magazines, this particular one was erroneous. Neil recalled having heard the quote, and he even recalled having repeated it once. He did not subscribe to its thesis, however, and he only quoted it so that he could disagree with it." From "First On The Moon," edited by Gene Farmer and Dora Jane Hamblin, 1970.
kjmcaj on 2013-04-07 17:56:49
abra on 2013-05-15 17:40:43
That explains it, reader. It didn't make sense because as an astronaut he would have been in excellent physical shape.
oddcouple on 2015-01-27 00:38:53
That's why I'm content with one small step.
tgreen517 on 2015-03-01 12:56:29
So, if this quote is in error, and that was pointed out in 2011- i guess someone is constantly monitoring the comments and fixing the mistakes!
Quizzical on 2016-07-10 14:44:56
LLapp on 2016-07-20 09:16:26
oddcouple -- pretty funny.
"Art is one of the means whereby man seeks to redeem a life which is experienced as chaotic, senseless, and largely evil."
Highpoint on 2014-12-24 18:05:33
I use chocolate pie for the same purpose. Works very well.
wordfairy on 2015-02-26 19:16:10
Ah, the chocolate pie fix. I like it! :)
montyb on 2015-05-18 14:58:26
I've painted a chocolate pie. It took two coats, though.
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