"Tell me what you eat, and I will tell you what you are."
— Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
bansaisequoia on 2011-12-03 00:57:08
I eat beefcakes and studmuffins.
montyb on 2012-08-05 21:11:54
I'm kind of partial to corn dogs, myself.
iltquilt on 2013-03-14 19:38:19
Chocolate ... any kind of chocolate. What does that make me?
locodad on 2014-02-03 01:00:02
i want some homemade tacos, not from Taco Smell
momof7 on 2014-12-31 15:31:31
I have a daily hot chocolate.
universalmom on 2015-01-19 04:39:19
I'm a sea salt caramel, apparently
abra on 2015-02-02 06:38:42
I think I'm catching cold. I'd like a grilled cheese sandwich, and some home made chicken noodle soup. That's probably not what I am, but it's what I would like.
LLapp on 2015-03-01 16:06:51
(Stop me if I've told this one before . . . ) So this guy walks into his doctor's office with a sprig of parsley in one ear, asparagus in the other, and a carrot stick up his nose. He says, "Doc, what's my problem?" and the doctor says, "You're not eating right."
email@example.com on 2015-05-09 11:23:34
From the look of this guys picture,he doesn't appear to have missed too many lunches.
marnita on 2015-06-19 12:32:43
If I tell you what I eat, you can tell me that I am . . . fat.
fishbum on 2016-10-04 07:27:13
So, bansaisequoia, you working out?
"If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, we have at least to consider the possibility that we have a small aquatic bird of the family anatidae on our hands."
— Douglas Adams
silveryaspen on 2009-03-02 16:36:11
kat on 2009-09-29 15:23:44
As long as it's not a silly goose...
opallady on 2010-11-18 22:17:06
How can this possibly considered edgy or offensive??????
eetee on 2011-04-11 03:13:54
wvwoman on 2012-08-05 03:04:43
opallady, maybe there's a duck hater in our midst!!
zeldamar on 2013-01-07 19:11:38
or a duck lover!
Barnabas on 2013-07-25 17:06:40
A duck walks into a Victoria's Secret and buys a negligee for his girlfriend. The clerk asks him, "May I put that on your bill?" The duck answers, "I'm not that kind of duck."
nevadasmith68 on 2013-08-18 04:56:14
beerfan95 on 2014-02-25 08:49:05
I'm glad people found this to be inspirational.
slow1 on 2014-11-03 07:39:07
Barnabas, you win that series of comments. LOL
LLapp on 2015-06-26 07:14:41
"Civilization begins with order, grows with liberty, and dies with chaos." — Will Durant
montyb on 2013-08-07 01:19:40
Well, except for that order and liberty stuff, that pretty well describes my life.
"Gardening is civil and social, but it wants the vigor and freedom of the forest and the outlaw."
— Henry David Thoreau
montyb on 2013-08-07 16:45:44
I don't recall Robin Hood ever doing any gardening.
locodad on 2013-09-13 01:52:56
you are funny montyb
debzhaus on 2014-10-21 15:39:10
LLapp on 2015-08-08 21:37:15
The legend covers only his exciting adventures away from home. Between adventures, he raised peonies and created prize-winning needlepoint pillows.
tfw on 2016-01-02 05:47:44
He was very good at needlework, but the needles he used were very large and shot from bows.
"I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!"
— Homer Simpson
abra on 2016-04-23 18:41:58
And ya'll think Jack Handey quotes are awful???
darkyr on 2016-05-28 07:48:00
No, I don't. Who told you that?
"I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm."
— Alfred Hitchcock
Lurker on 2010-05-18 23:36:36
My new favorite quote. :)
leslie65 on 2010-12-15 10:43:49
I would have solved it faster but I was busy laughing at the quote so far!
montyb on 2012-04-26 16:33:38
Hilarious! And I like bagpipes.
abra on 2014-07-20 14:16:52
I like the one that says, the Irish gave the Scots the bagpipes as a joke, and the Scots still haven't gotten the joke.
oddcouple on 2015-01-26 17:06:26
Joe is walking down the street when he sees his friend Jack carrying a pig under his arm. Joe asks "where did you get such an ugly animal?" The pig says "I won him in a raffle."
Andy451 on 2016-01-14 11:37:52
--from The True Sayings of Jesus Q: Why do bagpipers always walk when they play their instrument? A: To get away from the noise.
"We do not learn by inference and deduction and the application of mathematics to philosophy, but by direct intercourse and sympathy."
kb83 on 2014-10-25 15:07:05
Was math hard for ya', Hank?
JD_1947 on 2015-01-03 11:02:21
. . . I am so tired and so slow I don't know why I continue to do these puzzles . . . Nap time . . .119 seconds
Hash on 2015-01-14 07:40:27
With more sympathy I could learn a lot during intercourse.
ruxpin66 on 2015-12-26 03:21:37
Disagree with this.
LLapp on 2016-04-07 17:05:29
I've tried multi-tasking, but it just doesn't work to learn differential equations during intercourse.
"Many things grow in the garden that were never sown there."
— Thomas Fuller
montyb on 2013-06-30 12:58:04
The same is true of my refrigerator.
LLapp on 2015-06-09 05:39:08
Well, maybe not sown by the human gardener.
oddcouple on 2016-07-10 00:24:20
Remind me never to raid Monty's refrigerator
"It has been my observation that most people get ahead during the time that others waste. "
— Henry Ford
sputnick on 2013-08-20 15:50:52
These quotes about wasting time always sting a little bit when they come up...
locodad on 2014-02-08 09:46:04
i don't think Mr. Ford did cryptograms or else he might have thought it was fun and not a waste of time
wvwoman on 2014-12-20 15:51:11
i tell myself i'm exercising my brain. (gotta rationalize it one way or another!)
marnita on 2015-07-25 15:19:33
Time that is enjoyed is not wasted. There's more to life than making automobiles.
oddcouple on 2015-09-04 01:37:43
So the race really does belong to the tortoise, right? Now i can feel better about losing all those races when I was young.
Now that's a pun.
"But make no mistake: the weeds will win; nature bats last." — Robert M. Pyle
montyb on 2014-03-01 11:43:52
Home field advantage.
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